Posted by Emme on April 11, 2002, at 7:08:29
In reply to Re: naltrexone-emotional pain- Emme, posted by Chloe on April 9, 2002, at 19:42:19
Chloe,
Hope you're starting to feel more settled and better able to sleep. Have yourself a good weekend and do something nice for yourself. I haven't slept much the last two nights, but my taxes are done before April 14! I could wish for touch of that emotional numbness right now. :) But since naltrexone didn't work out, I'll have to do without. Having cognitive function back doesn't hurt though - I feel worse about myself when I can't get anything done at work.
Thinking about motives to cut myself, I think part of it is a pain swap. During intense emotion, the physical pain drops my level of emotional arousal, even if only for a second. I am a wuss and can't stand pain, thus lots of urges and the occasional slight poke, but only two minor skin-breaking events and no regular habit. I was devastated that I did such a thing. But there it was. The other part is that at the pit of depression I felt I was so worthless that I had to do something to punish myself. It's distressing that these thoughts are part of my set of symptoms. When the depression is under control, they vanish. Permanent vanishing would be nice. I guess the best thing is to continue to try to manage the depression. I'm at 85 mg Lamictal, shooting for 100 and hoping it adds more stability...
Take care,
Emme> Hi Emme,
> I can't find the post you sent me, seems like the board is turning over faster, or I am checking it as frequently, not sure...
>
> Anyway, I am glad that you are getting a break from your emotional pain for a while. And that you don't really have any bothersome side effects except a little *fog*. At times I wonder why anyone who has depression or mood dysregulation, like ME would want to be completely intouch with their feelings. I really do at times find "life" very difficult, overwhelming and painful, and having some relief from that pain is a god send. That's why I love meds that "chill" me out, like neurontin and perhaps depakote and lithium.
>
> Mitch marvels at how I like the "cognitive dulling" of lithium! But I never really feel impaired if I really concentrate. Though tasks, like cashing out a register might take a little bit longer. I guess I just prefer life with the "edge" taken off, or the volume turned a little lower. But, maybe I am in the manority!
>
> I said all that to say, that if you are feeling a little numb right now, I think that it's OK. You may over time adjust to naltrexone's cognitive effects, or adjust the dose of your other meds to make your mind more clear. But maybe during this time where you have a little relief from emotional pain, you can get some perspective on your motives to cut yourself.
>
> I hope I made myself clear...I can't seem to "settle down" since this time change. It's made me very agitated, argumentative and unable to sleep. I am not totally sure if I am making sense...I do hope so.
>
> Pleae take care
> Yours,
> Chloe
poster:Emme
thread:101953
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020408/msgs/102727.html