Posted by Zo on March 16, 2002, at 1:40:26
In reply to Re: buprenorphine reactions, etc. » Zo, posted by Elizabeth on March 12, 2002, at 9:59:28
I think it made me high as a kite from the first dose. Only it was the kind of seeping through the whole body kind of well-being that was secretly the way I wanted to live, all the time, and I didn't care what it took. . .bipolar II thinking. It's a lot like addict thinking. But I didn't have much experience at feeling normally good. My pdoc had faith it was possible. . .
There's no doubt Bupe sent me off on a trip--I began lying to people and to myself about being All Better (a sure sign) and the second week, I couldn't stop painting. I painted feverishly, and that weekend, came up with a real working plan to end it all. Pdoc says Mixed States is *the* most dangerous, because you're manic enough to form a good plan and driven enough to carry it out, and depressed enough to want to.
In retrospect, I thought rapid cycling was life. Yes, two drugs now have sent me into serious mood swings--yet I am clearly bipolar ll--that diagnostic thinking is diminishing, I think. . .And I could never have been so certain were not my "moods" levelled out. The wisdom of hindsight.
What this says about opiates, I don't know. I suspect my Vicodin usage was because it triggered a little mania, just a little. If you've ever been a little manic, it is the most seductive state on earth.
Yet here I am fine. Not manic and not depressed is best of all.
Zo
poster:Zo
thread:93100
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020313/msgs/98263.html