Posted by Bill1 on March 14, 2002, at 8:50:32
Hey, I don't know if this is the right place to ask this, but I need some advice.
I'm 18 right now, 19 in a few months, and I think I have some sort of anxiety disorder. Basically, I'm afraid of social situations and often avoid them. Whenever someone mentions me having to go into one, I get nervous and for some reason, probably thinking about how I could mess it up or make it akward. It's an irrational fear, and I know that, but there's nothing I can do myself to stop it. There's always something in the back of my head in social situations that keeps me from reaching out or being myself and I'm always just afraid. It's crippled my life to a great extent as I've left high school and lost the few friends I did have, and have a very hard time making new ones. Now I have really none, and very little other human contact in general, and it's severely trying my mental stability.
Anyway, what really spurred me to post this is the fact that last night I was over at my brother's friend's house with my brother and I took 5 of his dexedrine pills. Not a smart thing to do, I'm sure, but my life is such a horrible mess lately, I've been trying anything to change it. But the thing is that it had a great effect on me. I lost the fear in social situations, became much more talkative and sociable, and experienced something I'm not sure I ever have before: I actually felt like meeting new people and talking with people in general. I got a bit of motivation and aim as I'm usually pretty lazy and unmotivated. It was a tremendous feeling being free of that irrational fear and having actual conversations with people. I never wanted to come down off it.
The odd thing is that I read in many places that dexedrine is a form of speed and will only make your anxiety worse. But it make nearly everything better for me. I could talk to people with no problem, focused on things better, and was more relaxed and free of my constant worry. Although my heartbeat has seemed erratic since I took them and I haven't slept since then (last night), but that's probably because I took way too many. But I'm not sure if it would have helped me in the way it did if I hadn't taken all that.
Well, I suppose I just need advice. How the dexadrine helped me might point to me having some other disorder, and if so, what would be a good medication for that? I know dexadrine is for ADHD, but I'm pretty sure I'm clear of that, because I really don't have a problem concentrating when I want to and I do very well in school now. I don't think it's depression because I really don't want to kill myself, but thinking about the lack of human contact I have all the time and the pain from that really hurts. Although I'm obviously not aware of the true symptoms of depression, so it could be that for all I know.
I have a feeling my social problems don't come off as serious as they really are in this post, but sorry for the long post and thanks for the help.
poster:Bill1
thread:97954
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020313/msgs/97954.html