Posted by trouble on March 13, 2002, at 21:18:42
Hi,
I posted Monday about disorientaion by osmosis, working the last 6 weeks w/an Alzheimer's patient for the express purpose of normalizing her memory lapses, walking her through them when they come, and giving her a way to be w/that. I've been good, she's not so afraid anymore, more matter of fact, her people tell me that now when she's confused instead of saying she's losing her mind and wished she was dead she's just as apt to say, oh that's my memory again, I have short-term memory problems. I'm very proud to hear my own words used as comfort, and I feel that this population could be my niche, I am at my happiest when spending time w/them.
There's a school I could attend to get certified in the technique I aspire to, and til then there's my volunteer job as a nursing home ombudsman starting next month.
But my pdoc believes my current disorientation has everything to do w/ mirroring the Alzheimer's client, no boundaries, he says people w/borderline traits have a propensity for entering psychotic states fast. He said I have a permeability that makes me take on the pathology of others as if it was my own, but he said it's not my pathology, and this was the best thing he said.
I'm not going to get all sad and defeated about my potential work w/Alzheimer's clients, I enjoy them so much I'm going to have to learn how to accomodate the boundary-type permealibity. He said I should keep an open mind, don't decide in advance how things have to change, since they may not turn out the way I want them to, and that's setting myself up to fail. I'm supposed to stop ordering the universe around, and find ways to accomodate whatever it hands out, instead of seeing the discrepancy btwn me and reality as a personal failure.
I believe I have something to offer Alzheimer's patients, but weird and scary mistakes happen too, which I bet could be corrected at the training institute next year. I do start acting like them sometimes and that's bad, it scares the families when when they see me become confused and erratic, it feels and looks bad, but I believe it can be helped, I just need to find someone else who has the permeability problem and copy their solutions.My pdoc is also reducing my Wellbutrin by half, we raised the dose 6 weeks ago when all this chaos began, and he's hopeful that it will go away once I'm down to 100mg twice/day. We're raising the gabitril to the roof, no Buspar, but he gave me PRN diazepam 'til we get over this bump. He told me about an episode of Star Trek where this figure goes around touching people and taking their diseases on herself. You need to stop doing that he said, but when I asked him how he just sighed. I bet he was thinking about DBT again, but any mention of DBT therapy sends me raging and spieling, but I've been thinking of trying it again myself, there are other classes in Austin than the one I went to, maybe it's worth another shot, who knows?
The only time he slapped my hand today was mad, disgusted bitching about my use of psychologival terms when I don't know what I'm talking about, and I was too exhausted to debate the whole power in naming thing, since you have to go all the way back to Adam for that, I didn't even say you're just threatened by the surface knowledge of a mental patient who's getting a little too close to the priestly caste, but I wanted to. It would have changed the whole dynamic, and I was enjoying the fatherly vibe too much, he even said, and I totally stiffened, but I let him say that I need to stop thinking, I need to eat right, sleep right, exercise, take my meds and find some halfway steady work, that's all, I'm not supposed to think or try to figure things out. I would have creamed him for that, but he acknowledged the boredom in it so I let it pass. I guess we were both taking chances today.Sorry if this is too long, just wanted to say I remembered your support while in his office tonight and things turned out pretty good this time.
trouble
poster:trouble
thread:97849
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020313/msgs/97849.html