Posted by CJ Young on March 10, 2002, at 22:14:27
In reply to Re: Severe decrease in cognitive function -P.S. » CJ Young, posted by Chris A. on March 10, 2002, at 20:28:00
Sincere thanks to everyone who responded. You all hit the nail on the head--I just ended a relationship with a
pdoc who was abusing his position as an acute psychological trauma/suicide prevention specialist to milk money out
of me. Looking back, it seems as if his guiding philosophy is to keep his patients
as heavily medicated as possible (when I complained about insomnia he just kept telling me to take more seroquel)
while he recklessly bills them $40 to call in refills, $38 to read emails, and leaves for weeks to attend academic
conferences where he airs his (he thinks) brilliant insights. I made two half-hearted attempts to find a new pdoc,
but I think I am still traumatized by this last experience. It is difficult to reconcile the idea that the person
who saved your life a number of times can also appear to consider your tortured existence to be a cash cow. I do
need to find a new one but don't know where to start looking.I did go out and buy Kay Redfield Jamison's _Unquiet Mind_ which in typical bipolar II style, I have already completed
over half of in the span of about 2 hours. It is a difficult read, mostly because you observe her
debilitating difficulties while at the same time noticing that you don't have the professional situation, the family, friends,
doctors, and string of extremely understanding lovers she had. How much more difficult will it be for you, then? Still, I am
glad to have found it as it forces pleasantly masochistic questions to the fore (another bp II classic) and I am now somewhat
disabused of my mania-envy.I hope I do not have to permanently exchange my bookshelf for my medicine cabinet when it comes to citing the
foundation of my identity. Extremely successful loved ones assure me that your underwear drawer or one's CD collection
are just as satisfying loci of one's sense of self. I have stopped trying to get them to imagine losing something so
integral to who you are that you cannot even conceive of it as something separable much less believe that you could continue
to exist without it. I keep up a private hope that somewhere in Virginia, Dick Cheney is tending to my back-up "shadow self."Recently, something happened which drove me to stop the seroquel altogether. I did, and my
verbal acuity returned to some degree, but so did the dark mood swings and depression. It is only the needs and desires
of others which move me to go off or back on again. Both states leave me too impaired to decide for myself.Thanks so much for your responses--clearly I need first & foremost to find a good, even average pdoc.
p.s. As for green as a sign of hope, I have been described by my allergist (who is also a pdoc--I'll explain that upon request) as
the second most allergic person he's ever met so maybe I'll pass on that (plus I live in N. California). For now, dark satiny brown will suffice
as it is the color of the inside of my lace-trimmed eyeshades;)
poster:CJ Young
thread:96905
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020307/msgs/97409.html