Posted by colin wallace on February 23, 2002, at 16:00:27
I've been mulling over a question recently that's probably occured to some of you in
similar situations too: If my depression has improved to the extent that I can (almost)
function socially as normal, with the aid of medication, does this represent actual
physiological 'repair', or do antidepressants simply mask the problem, ie. I am still
'depressed' underneath, and will need to remain forever on meds. in much the same way
as one might for say, high blood pressure or diabetes.If I am(and I know I am)inherantly
depressive, even though I'm sustained by medication, does the underlying biochemical fault lurk
forever threatening to overcome me again-or can this imbalance be actually 'cured'?
I was thinking about this, when by accident I received my answer: I'd been utterly treatment-resistant
until I tried sam-e, and then improved quicker than I could ever have have hoped for.
Not remission, but great strides nonetheless.I was taking a small dose of Amitriptyline
to get to sleep, and then decided to increase to a therapeutic dose:perhaps that will
finally get me there, I thought.At this modest dose (75mg) I first noticed an adverse reactio to exercise
I did not get with the sam-e alone.Itlasted days.My big mistake came when, realizing an
adverse interplay was at fault, I decided to give the Amitriptyline a chance by itself.
I upped the dose to 100mg and put the sam-e on the back burner for a few months(so I thought).
My family noticed the decline before I did- I began to get irritable again, and those
gloomy thoughts slowly began to intrude...slowly at first, but daily I worsened- still,give it a
fair chance to work I told myself.Hang in there.A week later I was eating a meal with my
family in a state of suicidal despair. I felt completely disconnected, as though I wasnt
really present in my body. My hands weren't mine. My head throbbed with that sickening
depression that I'd put to the back of my mind.Quite simply, I didnt want to live, and mustered
the resolve to go to a psych. hospital(more for the sake of my parents.)
I went to bed, and as an after thought, took a 200mg sam-e pill from a strip beside the bed.
The following day, I took 400mg, and rang to make the doctor's appointment.The next day, I cancelled it.
The reason being (I find it hard to comprehend this myself)I'd almost completely recovered to my
pre-amitriptyline state: I could speak (if you've been so depressed that you cant even speak,
you dont take this for granted)and I could even laugh -albeit cynically.
So, that was last week, and last night I was throwing beer down my neck and generally having
a fairly good time out on the town.My brother couldn't believe it, and I just thank my lucky
stars that something actually exists that could achieve that transformation.I'm still unwell of course
, I get stressed easily, I'm anxious, and not at all well enough to return to work.
But I'm far from suicidal.Anyway, my point I suppose is that, underneath it all, and without
my lifesaving pills(whatever they really do) I'm still as depressed as ever-physiologically.
And my question is, what does such a rapid response to this med. mean? Should I care,
as long as it works?
Is there perhaps an antidepressant out there that works on similar pathways that I can use
to supplement my supplement?!I hope so, and I'll keep looking.But meanwhile, I must remind myself to be
grateful for the gains I've made I suppose.And the depression itself-well of course, I dont need any more reminders that it will probably always be there.
poster:colin wallace
thread:95239
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020222/msgs/95239.html