Posted by Gracie2 on January 11, 2002, at 1:58:02
In reply to Re: Depakote for anxiety/anger/depreseeion, posted by Tedr on January 9, 2002, at 11:36:34
I think you've made the right decision, as Depakote is not conducive to mental sharpness.
After 6 months of taking 500 mg daily, I was a complete zombie. I had to quit my job because I could not function. I could hardly take care of myself, much less anyone else.I think Depakote has it's uses. I've struggled with depression all my life, but after two personal tragadies, one right after the other, (as Shakespeare said, troubles don't come one at a time but in "battalions"), depression brought me to a new and terrible low. For the first time,
I began to rely on "recreational" drugs and alcohol to get me through the day. I became so agitated, I rarely slept. I wound up in a mental ward, where I was able to "shake it off" after drying out for a week. I was sent home armed with a psychiatrist and a fistful of prescriptions for psychiatric drugs.At that point, I believe the level of Depakote was appropriate, as it did function as a mood stabalizer. I began to sleep and take better care of myself. However, looking back, I think that my doctor should have tapered me from Depakote much earlier, especially since she knew I had been suffering mainly from "reactive" depression (depression caused by events). As it turns out, my doctor did not "taper" me at all. I quit taking it on my own when I got disgusted with myself for being such a blob.
I suggest the tapering method. Quitting my psychiatric drugs practically cold turkey (I was also taking Seroquel and Paxil) had terrible side effects. My insomnia returned and, worse, it was obvious that my brain was malfunctioning. I couldn't remember familiar words and I forgot everything - I could not recall whole events that had taken place just a week before. I was like the computer HAL in the movie "2001- A Space Odyssey". In the scene where it's circuits are being shut down by the astronaut it tried to kill,
HAL begins asking in a reasonable voice, "Just what do you think you are doing, Dave?" While Dave continues to work furiously to dismantle the computer, HAL's voice starts to slow down and it's "thinking" begins to wander. Finally, it begins to sing "Daisy", the song it was taught when it was first programmed, until it's voice winds down and stops.I was just like HAL, with a little Dave in my head pulling circuits to shut me down. It was terrifying. Because I was no longer seeing a psychiatrist, I didn't know what was happening to me. I finally went to see my regular doctor, who prescribed Seroquel to help me sleep.
I still don't have an official diagnosis, but I think that the neurotransmitters in my head were
going haywire without the Depakote and other drugs to direct them. I read somewhere that after a longtime alcoholic stops drinking, his thinking doesn't become "normal" for some time because alcohol has the same effect.When my husband saw the Seroquel I had been prescribed he became agitated. He said something to the effect of "I thought you were done taking those drugs" and I said, "This is different. This isn't like the Depakote or those other drugs." He still looked disgusted, and I got angry. "Listen to me," I said. "It's an important distinction."
I stopped, shocked at what I had just said. For months, it had been beyond my ability to become angry or to utter a phrase like "important distinction", I had been so comatose. At that point, I realized my brain had finally started to readjust.
Like Jerry said, it has been quite a trip. (But I will survive.)
-Deadhead Gracie
poster:Gracie2
thread:89185
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020110/msgs/89692.html