Posted by jn on November 2, 2001, at 0:01:49
I would like to know if anyone out there has experienced anything like what I am about to describe? I am, from what I have been told, extremely intelligent. I was tested at over a 140 IQ at a young age, and have been expected to perform at that level for my entire life. Therefore, I have expected this type of performance from myself up until the last couple of years. My scholastic level has always been sub par, but that has only been because of my extreme lack of interest in anything. “I mean anything” I have always been very popular, and was always able to make friends easily, and have had numerous involved and deep relationships with women. Now here is the problem. At the age of about 25, “Now 28” I started to recreationally use drugs: Ecstasy, Cocaine, Xanex, to be more specific. This extracurricular drug use culminated in an unfortunate and uncharacteristic situation where I mistakenly overdosed on Heroin. I made this mistake by snorting a white powder, which I thought was Cocaine, and it turned out to be Heroine. I awoke in the hospital, and was informed that I had overdosed on Heroine. This is where the problem begins. (The problem at issue, not the drug problem) Ever since this incident, I have felt as if I am completely socially inept. I no longer have the ability to interact with people. The only people that I communicate with are the friends that I had previous to this experience. Although they were the only people I considered friends anyway. I feel that I have nothing to offer to any conversation. Let my try to give an example of my thought process when I am placed in a social situation…. I really cannot think of an actual conversational situation, I can only express my frustration as the inability to think of anything to say to anyone about anything. It is almost as if I am becoming Autistic, like the people in Awakenings. My friends and family claim they have not witnessed any major change in my personality, but I am certain that my mind is rapidly deteriorating. I am currently seeking help through a psychiatrist, and he has prescribed Adderall for my ADHD and Gabitril for my anxiety. My experience with psych drugs has encompassed everything from Lithium to Wellbutrin and Paxil to Ritalin to Serazone, so don’t knock the Adderall treatment. It’s really the only thing so far that elevates my mood. “It still doesn’t make me sociable, but it allows me to concentrate on work.” I guess what I am asking is if anyone out there has any suggestions as to what I can do for my social anxiety, or if anyone can relate to my experience? Now I probably will not remember writing this because I no longer have a short-term memory, so reference your advice…if you have any, to LOST IN DES MOINES.
poster:jn
thread:82942
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20011025/msgs/82942.html