Posted by Twain on October 31, 2001, at 22:18:14
In reply to Re: Borderline Personality Disorder » Twain, posted by Elizabeth on October 30, 2001, at 20:37:42
Hi Elizabeth,
Thanks for the thoughtful response and the info.
When I had the fillings removed I felt increasing anxiety or just plain physical agitation - the minutes turned to hours. I drank to deal with it but that only made the anxiety or agitation worse the next day.
After my born-again experience, I stopped seeing any doctors, and now, after 6 years, I'm seeing a pdoc. Last June, I started drinking off and on. Daughter worked late at a Pizza place all summer, my new landlord turned out to be a slumlord. Finally, when I called the fire department about a clogged kitchen sink with a 1/2 gallon of sulfuric acid in it that my landlord had dumped down the drain and left for a week, my landlord tried to evict us. Stress was too much.
I quit going to church about 2 years ago when I could no longer overcome my innate shyness. I went from playing a tambourine at church to hiding out at home. Fortunately, my daughter goes to church more than ever and is on the worship team. I still play praise music at home, pray/meditate a little and work with a minister/computer wiz. But I'm still too isolated.
When I was discharged from the army, doctors noticed my depth perception was very poor. Later, when I started seeing pdocs, the "diagnosis" hypervigilance was thrown around. Something was going on with my vision or the way my brain interpreted the signal from the eyes. I got a job at the post office by answering the opposite of what I saw on the depth perception test and getting a score of 100%. I was seeing things completely backwards or something. Anway, I gave up driving and became even further isolated.
I'm doing better and considering dc the neurotin. I often get a nagging kind of tension in the back of the head/neck that only goes away if I take more neurotin. The neurotin helped some though by sedating me.
I'm hoping to get back into some sort of meditation and drop the pdoc and the meds. Perhaps, church is a possibility. I'm dismayed about returning to the chemical balancing act and the high cost of pdoc care.
My daughter is doing great (A's in pre-cal and advanced algebra), no longer working late, and likes to play scrabble with dad.
Thanks again for your reply.
best wishes,
Twain
poster:Twain
thread:81137
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20011025/msgs/82810.html