Posted by adamie on September 7, 2001, at 11:30:51
In reply to Re: How does hospitalization work, posted by stjames on September 6, 2001, at 23:22:56
> What meds have you tried ?
paxil 24 days. effexor 7 days. wellbutrin along with zyprexa for maybe 2 weeks. and 5htp for 2 weeks.
1 week on paxil i was feeling better. i actually was able and willing to go to a theme park. had some fun. then it went away. i was back to feeling as bad as i was before meds and maybe worse. i kept feeling very very bad until 24 days on it when i decided to stop. i read how paxil isn't suited for my symptoms of extremely poor concentration. i felt even more brain dead than before the meds and just very bad in general.
stopping it caused a miracle improvement 3-4 days after. i was feeling so good i thought surely i would make a full recovery. i was doing many of the things which i did before the depression. i was actually living again. this lasted for maybe 7 days. then it suddenly went downnnnnnnnnnnnnn. all in one day. one afternoon it went very down. then very slightly better, then 2 weeks after i was at the point where i felt i had to try another med. i was beggining to feel quite horrible. i was put on effexor 37.5mg later raised to 75mg. this was for 1 week. the first dose i took I felt quite bad that day. like detached from the world and i just felt horrible, like my emotions were even more taken away. this passed for the next day. but then i was beggining to feel extremely horrible. this worsening continued for the 7 days. constant mind torture. I couldn't stand it. I had to get off the med asap. a few days after i was feeling better. the disgusting doctor didn't believe me and said it was impossible effexor was making me worse. this same disgusting doctor was the one who believed accutane couldn't possiblty cause my depression when it was fact it did.
so these few days after i was put on zyprexa. extremely sedating. i remember the jerks forced me to go into a group talk therapy program which cannot help me. I was sitting there trying to fight off the horrible mind torture while everyone else was all talkative, laughing, smiling, talking about life. these are people who are deffinetly not significantly depressed. yet I'm the one who is not taken seriously. i couldn't even participate. i just lay there afterwards trying to just pass the time. those are people who are recovered. those are people who are dealing with life issues. I dont have life issues. I have uncontrollable depression with mind torture. talking will not heal my brain. i couldn't stand being there. two days after the zyprexa i was added wellbutrin 100mg. and the doctor wouldn't riase it for 2 weeks. how the heck can meds help me if i am not even given a decent dose? it didn't help. and i was feeling quite bad on the combination. it is hard to remember how i felt. i always feel a bit different on meds than i do off. at first i had the willingness to be able to pass the time. and so i did on my computer playing some games even though i felt very very bad. yet this motivation feeling or whatever it was passed. i no longer even wanted to do things. i just felt generally very bad on the wellbutrin with zyprexa. right before wellbutrin was added i was feeling slightly better after the sedation from zyprexa wore off a bit. so perhaps the zyprexa may have helped by itself or with some other med possibly. i stopped taking the wellbutrin and zyprexa. I am not supossed to feel like crap on meds and if i am not given an effective dose then what is the point. that doctor is disgusting.going off the meds i went on 5htp just for the sake of it. i dont know what it is about the meds but they made me worse. possibly helping in the end? if i could have bared it then okay. but i couldn't. and the effexor was just pure hell. I would actually be shaking sometimes when I'd walk and my heart would be pounding so much that i would have heart pain. going off the meds and just being on the natural 5htp improved my condition. i doubt the 5htp had any effect, possibly it did, but i feel it was deffinetly coming off meds which helped in this case. i was feeling quite better, but of course still a very very long way to go to be my normal self. being off meds seemed to have no mind torture anymore. instead just inability to enjoy things, limited emotions and concentration. but it was better. at least no mind torture. my ability to enjoy things actually returned in a very slight form. i could watch tv more, play some video games. very slight enjoyment with of course feeling bad but not horrible. this was for like 10 days. as the days went by my mood was seemingly getting a little worse. i read how st john's wort can increase the effect of 5htp so i took that. after my 3rd dose i was watching a movie. and then later i felt like i was losing my mind. as if i was going crazy or something. i was feeling quite strange and very bad. but then later on in bed i was feeling better. I was actually able to imagine my perfect fiance. i was feeling better that moment then before being just on the 5htp (which was having some kind of effect, dunno if good or bad). so the next day i was to feeling the way i was just on 5htp. i felt i should see again if i can feel that betterness again. i felt quite bad during that day so i decided to stop the st john's wort. no more of that. i dunno why the heck so many meds can make me worse.
and i just started prozac 3 days ago. the first day i took it I began to feel extremely horrible 4 hours after the first dose. but perhaps it was a reaction to stopping the 5htp because i stopped it the day before prozac. this horrible feeling lasted for 4 hours. i felt so bad i called some information place to ask where i could find a mental hospital. i was feeling extremely horrible. there turned out to be no mental hospitals in the area. i was told to go to the hospital later when someone can drive me so they would take me somewhere or do whatever.
i cried a lot and just went to bed trying to sleep or just pass the time. i slept maybe a little. then laying there awake. i was then feeling better. the absolutely horrible feelings had passed. then my mood has been going up and down a bit the last few days. sometimes i felt as if i was getting better, other times like i was worse. and today i just generally feel like crap. if i get worse during the next week then it's deffinetly the prozac. it is giving me more energy but i dont want to feel worse. i dont want mind torture.i wish i could get ECT. I dunno what the heck can help me. I will just have to see. hopefully i will be able to do this trial of prozac. i hope it doesn't make me worse. bye for now
poster:adamie
thread:77840
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010907/msgs/78165.html