Posted by AKC on July 22, 2001, at 8:44:52
As some of you are aware from my post on PSB, I am currently (slowly) reading "The Noonday Demon." I am in the chapter on breakdowns, and the author's experience of suffering breakdowns after suffering intense physical pain.
This has me thinking (and nervous). I was already very depressed when I had my gallbladder go south. It was unexpected and very intense pain. I had the unfortunate experience of a primary care physician thinking I was just after pain meds (I had recently relocated and this was a new doc who just saw my history of alcoholism and recovery). My tests were coming back at best ambiguous. I would go to the emergency room when I would have acute attacks - the er people believed me and would shoot me full of demoral and would give pain meds. I luckily had to change docs because this doc dropped my hmo - so after three weeks of physical hell, surgery was scheduled and my gallbladder was removed, and the physical recovery only took about a week (they were able to use the lathroscope).
However, after the surgery I went from a bad depression, into suicidal hell - and about three weeks later took every pill I had on hand. Luckily, shortly after doing so, I started to panic and called 911 myself - I wanted the pain to stop, but truly didn't want to die.
I am scared because currently I am doing wonderful - as I have shared on this board. But, as life is so great at doing, I am having some physical problems, specifically, I have a knee that is causing my a lot of problems. It has been messed up since I was a teenager. I have had it operated on in the past. But for whatever reason, it has gone really bad over the past two months. And reading Solomon's stuff on how pain is a trigger for him, even when he was on meds, it made me scared.
So I was wondering about other's experiences with pain and its effects on your meds. I so want this good time to last a while - I don't know if it was the pain, the pain meds, the general anethestics, or a combination of all of the above, or the fact I was already deep in a depression that led to the suicide attempt. There were so many variables. But most importantly - I just don't want to get depressed again. Right now, the pain is tolerable. I guess, I just am a little afraid now and would like some words of wisdom.
AKC
poster:AKC
thread:71325
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010720/msgs/71325.html