Posted by sweetmarie on July 16, 2001, at 7:54:19
In reply to How good is good enough?, posted by Else on July 14, 2001, at 14:41:38
> I am beginning to think that no drug in the world is as effective as what I seem to be looking for. My pdoc has finally agreed to prescribe Klonopin (he even asked me how much I thought was O.K. which left me speechless). Now I'm taking 2mg daily and I guess I am doing better because I have the nerve to actually post something here which was not the case last week. But I'm just wondering. How do I know this is as good as it is going to get? I can't help but think I am so neurotic nothing will ever be good enough. But how good is good enough? How do normal people feel? I don't think I'll ever be completely satisfied no matter what and maybe this is nothing a pill can fix. I have had superb but short lived responses to a variety of drugs in the past so I can't help but believe in pills. But I just don't know how much of it is up to me. Anyway, I don't know if what I am saying makes any sense.
Else
It sounds like you`ve got a good doctor, who is willing to listen to you and work with you on your treatment.
In practical terms, `good enough` would be `well` enough to function and start getting your life towards somewhere nearing a `normal` life. By this I mean making moves towards doing the things that you need to do to get through, e.g. going to the shop once a day, taking a short walk, contacting friends - say one a week. Just small things like that. Even if you can`t do these things, just having them in mind as a goal is O.K.
For me, `well enough` to do these things would be 4 - 5 out of 10 moodwise. I`m still at 2 - 3 out of 10, and can only really do rudimentary things (getting up, going for a walk - a short one - and maybe sending an email).
Finding a level where you can function, and get SOME enjoyment is a good start. This doesn`t mean to say that you should settle for this - it isn`t really a decent quality of life. But, a foundation will be set so that further improvement can be worked on.
Basically what I`m saying is that if you can get as many things underway whilst you are able to (even if it means pushing yourself to a certain extent), and I don`t mean big `life issues`, these routines will be in place to a certain extent, and you won`t have to start from square 1 when your mood is at an acceptable level. For me, 6 out of 10 is my goal. I can operate on 4 out of 10, but I struggle and get very little enjoyment.
I`m actually telling myself as much as I`m telling you. In my case, as in yours, I have a doctor (a professor actually) who is working with me towards an acceptable level of mood. He specialises in treatment resistant depression, which is what mine is. It doesn`t sound like your doctor will give up on you just because you`ve reached a level where you can function.
Another thing to remember is that it`s probably not realistic to expect a long-term illness (I don`t know how long you`ve been ill) to `go away` quickly. These things take time. By my calculations, if I continue to improve at the rate I`m going at the moment, I`ll reach my goal sometime around Dec/Jan. This seems like a nightmarish time, but I think that I`d trust a slow improvement more than I would if I suddenly got better overnight (as it were).
It`s still hideous, and I completely don`t deny that. I don`t relish the thought of being in a state of severe depression for any longer than I have to - it`s been this way for 3 and a 1/2 years now and frankly I`m totally sick and tired of it. I still spend time wishing I were dead. But ...
... it will get better. Hopefully sooner rather than later.
As for medications, I think they are vital. I too have had responses in the past - once I was well for a year, and another time I was well for about 8/9 months. On both occasions I discontinued the med because I was so much better and consequently fell flat on my face. Neither worked 2nd time around. However, the fact that you HAVE responded in the past gives you a better prognosis than if you had never responded. The hospital doctor told me this (I`m in hospital at the minute), and I`ve got no reason to doubt him. Logically it makes sense.
I hope that this is helpful.
Good luck,
Anna.
poster:sweetmarie
thread:70126
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010714/msgs/70298.html