Posted by HenryO on July 10, 2001, at 15:29:26
I started taking Resperdal last week with a scrip from my biological psychiatrist. I did not know what to expect from this stuff, as there have been so many dead ends. It is working for me! It has been about a week now. It put out the fire within a day or so.
I feel like Rip Van Winkle. I have awoken after years and my house and my life need my attention. I mentioned that I had a scrip for it because I have tried a few "off shore" meds out of desperation. I'm starting to think there may be good reasons the FDA, or whomever, bans certain meds. If some -unavailable in the USA medication- works for you then that is great. The two I tried were lousy. Adrafinil and Reboxitine. I must stress that was my personal reaction.(see posts) I hope someone gets wonderful benefits from them.
Back to the Respedal. God I pray this stuff does not poop out. That is not speaking in vain, that is a cyber prayer. I take a cocktail and have for a while now. Concerta (a.k.a. fancy delivery system Ritalin), Prozac (mostly for flavor)(just kidding), Pindolol (a.k.a. Visken). But as I have seen in many a post I was often slightly or else woefully depressed and always had the guilty sense that things, I, my mood, could feel better. I say guilty because here I am taking this cocktail and I was "better" but... I was uncertain if I was just a complainer or was asking for too much. We are talking about pills that make you feel better, a lot of pills, expensive pills. It can make you feel spoiled when you want new, better, more. Maybe you’re just a junkie. My head can think the ugliest things.
But through the posts of Psycho-babblers and talks with my doctor I have been encouraged to keep seeking and to be, in one doctors wonderful advice, more aggressive.
I do not feel manic. I don’t feel stimulated, sedated or medicated. I feel as I believe I should feel. Normal. Good. And I feel about feeling normal kind of sad because it gives me the awareness that I have been suffering significantly, for a long time. But I am not depressed. I am grateful and by and large happy. The brain is a mysterious and complex place. I wonder what people will think of all this "depression and medication" years from now.
I’m terrified this med is going to poop out. I don’t like hibernating from life. Surviving is good but I’d rather thrive.
So maybe one or two or a half a Mg of Resperdal added to someone else’s' cocktail will be the thing that makes all the difference.
In the last twelve years my progression has gone like this, first Prozac. Everybody else said I was better. I didn’t feel a thing. On and off Prozac for years, miserable. Tried LOTS of other stuff.
Eventually stayed with the Prozac, dragging along. Kept trying drugs. Wellbutrin, Nuerontin, Lithium liberally twenty others at varied doses and combinations. Added Ritalin to Prozac and BA-BANG felt great. Maybe too great, for a month but as one month turned to three months the effect lessened and I was only a little better than Prozac alone. I kept trying as lot of time and pain and confusion passed. Tried more dead ends.
I was getting serious about asking for shock treatment. Added Pindolol (Visken) to the mix. I told my doctor, verbatim "This is good. It is the best I’ve felt yet. It is not as good as I fantasize about, but if this is as good as it ever gets I’ll take it."
Now I had a cocktail and it was good enough. I moved to Concerta because its not as Wham-Crash as Ritalin. But if ten is mania and one is bad bad depressed and five is what everybody normally feels I live at four with frequent extended dips into three and two. Without meds can maybe feed myself and shower. I have moments when I’m at four and a half. But with the addition of Resperdal I am a solid six. Yet its not even like that. I just feel open clear fluid to my feeling and energy. I’m not a slave to my moods or more like one dark-darkening mood with so so little energy. I’m terrified this med is going to poop out.
poster:HenryO
thread:69639
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010708/msgs/69639.html