Posted by alexa on May 2, 2001, at 3:16:53
I have now been hospitalized 4 times within a one year's period and am afraid that it will happen again and again. They were all suicide attempts, but this last time was the most serious and it was all impulse. Can anyone out there shed some light on their experience?
I really hate being bipolar. I inherited it from my Mom - who was only just diagnosed 2 years ago. So, growing up was absolute hell. I wish that I didn't have to feel so incapacitated and so scrutinized by my family. I want to feel like the independant person I want to be.
I'm on 50mg Topomax at 9am and 50mg at 5pm, plus 450mg Effexor at 9am and 100mg Seroquel at 9pm. I also take Klonopin 3x day at .5mg and PRN. Having to take the pills also gets to me because I get to resent having to take them. I just want to feel...normal - if there is such a thing. I have lost 10lbs on the Topomax, but it is also, I believe, because I got off of the Depakote and Zyprexa (they were awful because they made me so incredibly groggy that I got into 2 car accidents on my commutes.)
I'm just wishing that I can lead a normal life here. But, my family wants me to move back home (3000mi away) so that they can watch over me. But, I love it here in California, I really do. I think that the sunlight and the mountains bring me joy.
Thank you all for listening.
Alexa
poster:alexa
thread:61343
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010424/msgs/61343.html