Posted by arnold Mellow on March 22, 2001, at 21:35:48
Dear Dr. Bob
I have ADD. when I don't take meds I am a fully functional person. It's just very difficult for me to sit still and listen to anything, even TV. I am bored all the time and always getting in trouble. I don't ever really notice whether I'm happy or not. When I take any antidepressents something very, very strange happens, I start to think. I notice myself going over in my head solutions to problems. I rehearse what I'm going to say on the way to my psychiatrist's office. And best of all I can just lie in bed at night or in the morning and think. It's the most wonderful thing in the world to me, because before the only time this ever happened was when I ran long distances. So I think all the time on AD's. I have the same problems, not paying attention when I'm driving etc. But it's because I'm thinking, not because I'm in "the zone" where I usually reside.This would all be wonderful but for one very important problem. I can't do anything else while I'm thinking. On my way to the laundry room I forget why I'm going there because I start thinking about something. My Dexedrene helps with this a little, but not enough. So it takes me, literally, all day to clean my room. I don't dislike cleaning my room, it just seems really bizarre that it should take so long.
I like talking to people on AD's, because I have something to say. I like writing, I'm even starting to paint. I never liked these things before AD's. I have so much more to contribute to my work, but they fired me because I couldn't get the trivial stuff done, the stuff I used to be really good at.
I have been to 3 psychiatrists in the last 4 years tryin to figure this out, they have no idea what I'm talking about.
Do I have to go back to living without thinking or is there something else I can take that won't get me "stoned" (I say stoned because I experienced something similar when I tried smoking pot - and it scared the hell out of me. I'm not sure if that is what others experience)
Also my p-doc always thinks that I have bipolar disorder and puts me on a bunch of mood stablizers. Then I just lie in bed and think all day. This is my only problem other than ADD and the anxiety I get when I take Dexedrene. It makes my ADD worse because I get distracted by my thoughts, and better because I don't do stupid stuff when I'm bored. I just want to be able to think, because I know everyone else gets to.
I really don't think this is bipolar. It IS extreme -the difference between when I am off and on AD's, but I don't go anywhere, or feel happy, I just think all the time, because I havn't thought about anything for 38 years. There's alot to think about. I could sit in my room for 10 years and think without getting bored.The other possibility is that when I'm not on AD's I just don't notice myself thinking. It happens so fast that it doesn't interfere with what I'm doing. And these AD's are just screwing up my head. That's how it seems when I stop taking them, but maybe it's just because I'm not really thinking about it!
I hope you can help.
ThanksPlease excuse my poor writing skills, I am on some heavy-duty mood stablizers right now.
poster:arnold Mellow
thread:57228
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010319/msgs/57228.html