Posted by Chris A. on March 1, 2001, at 1:00:17
In reply to Re: rapid cycling » jessie, posted by Cece on February 28, 2001, at 22:29:17
Dear Cece, Jessie and anyone else who struggles with cycling,
Your mention of the chronic ongoing "demon" hit home with me. I can identify. The constant struggle is exhausting. My therapist recently asked me to write out the ways in which I have accepted and dealt with my illness. Even though I've faithfully taken my meds and worked hard to find the best solutions, my angry response suprised me. I am tired of trying keep this "demon" under control and being a failure at it. Lately I've been a bit desperate. Fron experience, I know going to the hospital isn't going to fix "it." All the wellness plans and mood stabilizers in the world don't always kick in when needed. The desperation will go away when I'm fortunate enough to be in a hypomanic or euthymic state. I can't tell the difference between them in myself. The desperation always returns with a vengence, as now. It makes one feel totally shut off from others. I can't connect and feel very much alone. Is ziprasidone going to be the "miracle" drug? I'm not overly optimistic at this point. One can only hope. Perhaps hope is the answer to that demon. When I'm without it there is no end to the doward spiral.
I wish you all hope and peace and succes in running your own "home pharmacies"
Chris A.
> I am still struggling with some background, chronic "demon"- trying hard to describe well what it is. It's some kind of lack of well being, physical tension, suseceptibility to stress, agitation, low motivation- I've described it sometimes as chronic grief. I've asked my pdoc about Xyprexa (based on what I've read on other people's postings here) and he thinks that it is worth trying- but we're going to wait for the new version, ziprasidone to come out in March to avoid the weight gain side effects. If it works, I might be able to drop something else out.
> If anyone reads this who recognizes my "demon" and has any feedback, I'd appreciate hearing it.
>
> I get very tired of dealing with all these meds and running my own home pharmacy. But each one has helped in its own particular way, so I try and accept it.
poster:Chris A.
thread:1228
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010221/msgs/55196.html