Posted by Katz on February 9, 2001, at 16:39:14
In reply to Re: Undiagnosed ADD !!!, posted by MarkinBoston on February 9, 2001, at 13:58:35
Well, you did a great job of "communicating all the interrelations" here!
I too daydreamed in school. I remember being pulled out of class and a teacher hitting me with a ruler and accussing me of daydreaming. I have always felt like I have been trapped inside myself. Looking on but never participating. Almost like there was a plate glass window seperating me from the "others". I have always had a feeling of being uncomfortable in my skin. A feeling like I'm here but I'm not here, if that makes any sense. A surreal feeling is I guess what I'm trying to communicate.
In college, I majored in philosophy. Theories rooted in, guess what? Concepts. Details drive me to distraction and I have no memory for them. English lit drove me crazy. I had a hard time remembering all those names and details that were inevetibly required on exams. I would have to re-read stacks of books a few nights before exams so that I could refresh my memory as to all those nasty little details. I remember flunking a term paper because it was not filled with the specifics she was looking for but rather it was an analysis of the "meaning" or "philosphy" behind the work. Personally, I thought it was brilliant. I guess on one level she did also. I recall her stating: "this is the kind of analysis you would give in in doctoral thesis. It was not what I asked for." Hmmm, inability to follow directions. Sounds like ADD to me.
I have always blamed my inability to recall details (especially names and numbers) on poor memory. Could it in reality be poor concentration? Hmmm....
Disorganization is a symptom of ADD. I wonder if organization is a skill I learned to help manage my disease??? Hmmm....
I have stated that I have always been able to complete a task but in fact, that may not be altogether true. I used to draw and paint and was pretty good at it. When it came to putting in the detail, I lost interest and would abandon the work, satisfied that I had proven my talent with the intention to one day come back and finish it. That rarely ever happened.
I guess I too lose interest in things once I have mastered them. It does appear that I am stimulated by the challenge. No challenge=No motivation. But isn't that normal? I am a self trained gourmet cook. It was a good way to pass the time while inprisoned in my house due to my social phobia. Now that I have pretty well mastered the art, I have no interest in it. I now HATE COOKING. It's boring! Pizza delivery has become a way of life!
On and on it goes....
In Boston, driving requires that you be able to read car body language so you know what the other drivers intend to do.
No wonder I hate driving in Boston!
What do you think Mark? ADD? It's sounding more and more like a reality to me. I'll be damned. Do you know that I went to a UMASS psych clinic (tyring to get ritilin) and tried to to pass myself off as ADD. They didn't buy it and sent me to the Depression clinic! What fools! No surprise there!!! The reality is that depression, dysthymia and anhadonia mimmic so many of the ADD symptoms that it's hard to know what's really going on!
Thank you both. This has been an eye opener. I had never thought about having ADD before, but between my new fantistic exposure to stims after 10 years of OK results from AD meds, and your symptoms, the picture is coming together.
>
> As a kid I frequently "daydreamed" in class. One time in grade school, as school ended I went to and stood where the busses departed. The next thing I remember was a teacher asking if I was OK or needed a ride home. All the other kids had gotten on the busses and had left without me being aware of it.
>
> I continued to daydream, underachieve, and have great difficulty completing tasks. I still lose interest in things after I figure out how it works. I love concepts and hate trivial factual details.
>
> In college, an excellent memory helped me through. I could retain nearly everything from a lecture. Reading was tedious especially if it was strongly factual and memorizational instead of conceptual. I procrastinated a lot, often putting off months of learning 'till the week before a mid-term or final. Papers were hell. I would churn over the subject matter in my head making connections between the pieces, only to struggle getting it down on paper and not ever being able to communicate all the interrelations.
>
> Many career fields were not going to be for me. Medicine - too much rote memorization. Engineering - tedious numeric detail. Others had so much pulling together of pieces and writing. The only way I can write or speak about something is if I really command the knowledge and let it flow out.
>
> Computer Science worked for me. Algorithms were conceptual and I like that. I am best at debugging or enhancing code, not starting from a blank screen. I can easily understand code, run it mentally, and consider all the exception states. Currently I QA network security products and enjoy challenging them with unusual situations.
>
> I too think out of the box, and am frustrated with people who don't or have trouble understanding a concept that seems clear as day to me. I enjoy working on multiple tasks at once and switch when I get bored or blocked on one. Doing one to completion is boring. Not procrastinating, planning, and allowing enough time to travel or complete tasks is boring too.
>
> I am somewhat shy and withdrawn with some social anxiety still. I am better about not spacing out in front of the TV, I am great at reading body language and reading reactions in general. In Boston, driving requires that you be able to read car body language so you know what the other drivers intend to do. I *know* people talk about me! :-)
poster:Katz
thread:53287
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010131/msgs/53619.html