Posted by S. Howard on November 28, 2000, at 19:20:43
In reply to Re: How to Die Like Elvis--HELP, posted by Dona on November 27, 2000, at 15:48:40
Dona-
My heart goes out to you. I also consider myself to be a mature, intelligent woman (well, besides being a druggie)as well as a medical professional.
However, the last year has been chaotic and traumatic for me, and I too started to use an inappropriate drug to control my anxiety. Although
it was a prescription painkiller, I told myself it was ok (even when I knew better) because the drug was not a narcotic and not physically habit-forming. But it's tranquilizing effect was addictive for me. And of course, I had to take more and more for it to work.I have honestly tried to help myself. I've gone to NA meetings and hypnotherapy sessions (waste of money). I started to see a psychiatrist for the first time and admitted to being a substance abuser, so she will not prescribe benzos for me. I'm now taking depakote and seroquel, which has helped me with general anxiety and insomnia, but these drugs are not mood-altering and have no effect on my social phobia or panic attacks (neither does paxil, wellbutrin or prozac). Sooner or later, I would go back to my other pills. On a bad day,I thought nothing of taking 20 pills or more. I was also taking the depakote (which is, incidentally, an anti-seizure medication), the seroquel, paxil, medication for my blood pressure, and - although I'm not a heavy drinker- I am not adverse to a few drinks now and then. I was just bound to crash and burn.
One suggestion I do have for you is to read a book called "The Tennis Partner" by Abe Verghese (sp?). It's a true story about doctors who become addicted to drugs (and tennis). Apparently when a doctor is suspected of drug abuse, one charitable option - rather than immediately yanking his license - is to moniter him through regular urine tests. If he flunks a test, he must attend a rehab center in Georgia. The program is designed specifically for and available only to MDs. There is one particularly shocking conversation with a surgeon who, after opening a patient's abdomen in the operating room, passed out on the patient.
The point is, because you abuse a drug doesn't mean that you are stupid, crazy, or street trash.
I suspect your pdoc would not be outraged or stunned to learn about your habit. It's very common for people who suffer from depression or anxiety to self-medicate; it's only human to seek relief from pain. I believe you will need help to kick your habit because the horrors of insomnia will eventually become worse than the monkey on your back. Your pdoc can give you something non-addicting to relieve your anxiety and help you sleep. He is there to help, not judge.
Please let us know how you're doing!
-Gracie
P.S. Where is this website you get drugs from?
P.P.S. Sorry, sorry, bad joke.
poster:S. Howard
thread:49461
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20001115/msgs/49572.html