Posted by laural on October 26, 2000, at 14:55:16
In reply to Re: Med Update - Cam and all, posted by Greg on October 13, 2000, at 8:30:36
i know what you mean a out the different kinds of voices--the first are obvious, the ones where others outside of your head are saying things. the others are your thoughts, but your thoughts are no longer linear. instead they come as a solid block of information and it may be many voices (i talk to myself in my head) but in some way they all relate, although its definitely NOT obvious. the only way i noticed that they did form a kind of mosaic was when i re-read journals and i could sort of pick out the main idea. with so many different paths going in the mind, my brain would often freeze up, much like an overused computer and i would completely forget what i was saying, or be unable to finish the sentence because i couldn't figure out what word to use. it was fun to write poems this way, although they needed a lot of revision for others to understand. but you know, listening to a schizophrenic talking "alphabet soup" you can actually follow the gyst if you learn how to make multiple broad leaps from phrase to phrase. anyway, before i was diagnosed, i somehow tuned out these my voices and began to think in pictures-it wasn't such a headache! and when someone would ask me what i was thinking i would have absolutely no idea, although i may have been lost in thought for many minutes. i was known in high school as the girl who stared off into space. the only way to learn what i was thinking and even be feeling would be to write and from there i could tell if i had had a good or bad day. when i went on anti-psychotics i began to make complete coherant sentences and a lot of other stuff went away too. i could actually write a logical essay complete with examples and everything. : ) these days, after a few months off of resperidol (prolactin levels and symptoms in remission) i think i'm beginning to relapse. . .not too bad but am starting to look to see where they're hiding the cameras again : )
anyway, wanted to say that i've never heard of serqueral or whatever, resperidol worked well besides the lactation (how embarrassing it was when i was dating!) and zyprexa made me drool and other stuff but i don't really remember that far back--the last five years of my life all blend together. i know you probably already know about meds and have decided by now, but just wanted to connect--i haven't been able to talk to many people like myself: bipolar and schizo-affective. there are other things wrong with me that no one has addressed yet even--like my eating disorder and my picking and hair pulling and (not extreme) and in my worst--self hurt. of course i havn't read the archives yet, um, i'll stop now. if you could direct me to specific posts in the archives (or anybody) that'd be swell. laural
poster:laural
thread:46197
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20001022/msgs/47429.html