Posted by Didier on October 20, 2000, at 22:00:05
Klonopin was a seductive drug for me. I was first diagnosed with a form of epilepsy and given Klonopin to stop the symptoms; involuntary jerking. I have other symptoms but the doctors did not seem to be able to deal with them such as extreme sensitivity to sound and visual stimulus. I wear earplugs and sunglasses everywhere I go.
I experienced extreme confusion on Klonopin. Thinking back, I remember a time being out on the street; not knowing what to do to help myself and not being able to make a simple phone call. This was only the beginning. After an MRI and EEG I was told it was stress and I was then put on Xanex and Buspar. The doctor observed me in an imbalanced emotional state at the time he switched me from Klonopin to Xanex and Buspar but he did not associate my weird behavior with the Klonopin. After all, I had just walked into his office, recently, and he did not know me. He told me I needed a counselor. I never noticed any withdrawal from the Klonopin and was now promptly on Xanex and Buspar. I did notice while taking the Xanex and Buspar (AND was able to communicate with my neurologist) that I was having feelings of isolation and alienation and thinking about suicide. This was not like me. But he did not know that. He said, "The only way that I would know, would be to get off the drugs." I was not looking forward to it as I did not like the anxiety symtoms. There was some difficult discomfort from withdrawal from the Xanex (about three days total). The feelings of isolation and alienation and suicide disappeared and the anxiety symptoms resurfaced. Keep in mind that when I was taking Klonopin I was not able to distinguish that there was something wrong with me. I lived it. I was in it.
I only went another week before calling the doctor and asked to go back on Klonopin; thinking that this was my only solution. I was a totally different person on Klonopin. It took control and I was jealous, confused, argumentative and very demanding. I lost 15 pounds. My children knew that there was something not quite right about "Mommy" and started to spend more time in their rooms; afraid to come out. What was "Mommy" going to do today? Eventually, my husband asked me to leave and take my drugs with me. At this point, it seemed totally justified that I should take my life. Everything was upside down and backwards. I wasn't even a good "Mommy." I threatened to do it. I meant to do it. I was totally at peace with doing it. Every thing would have been better. I need not go into anymore detail accept to say that I can reflect back and realize that Klonopin made me see my world differently. My personality was totally extreme. I mean extreme. My husband was shocked and was told by the neurologist that it was not the drugs and to take me to the emergency room in the hospital.
At 3:30p.m. I arrived. A nurse suggested a crisis counselor. We said, "Okay." We waited until 11:00p.m. only to have that crisis counselor lock me up in a mental ward. It was all arranged. They did not care. They thought they were doing the right thing. But they could not care because it would have bothered them, too, much. I was driven away in a cage. It was an hour and 15 minute drive to the mental ward. They locked me up and took away my rights. It was called 51/50. They had 51% of my rights and I had 50%. It was a horrible experience. An experience that other people have had and are still having right now. It is not worth anything to mention in detail the experiences but I can say it was just like all the movies. Everything was so out of touch with what I could associate with that after awhile everyone was a movie star. Everyone had their lines. Cut. Print.
The psychiatrist in the mental ward also did not think it was the fault of the Klonopin and put me on a drug for treating Schizophrenia. So, now, I was being treated for Schizophrenia. After all they had 51% of my rights and could have forced me to take the drug. Come on.
After getting out of that place, which was not an easy thing to do, I looked up Klonopin on the Internet only to find out, too, late that 1 out of 4 people that take Klonopin (25%) have a severe reaction which can include a suicide attempt. It did say that usually those that attempt suicide, already have some other mental disorder. What can I say? The word "usually" can mean much.
SO, WATCH OUT!
I hide, now, from all doctors. It is as if I have been raped; violated. And not only that, but I had to pay for the whole thing. Since, I am the only source of income in the family and have been for quite awhile, I, presently, feel that these so-called "care-providers" are also extorting money from me. Their standard answer to my question as to whether or not I had been really served is "Do you have insurance?"
SO, AGAIN WATCH OUT!
After confiding this to a friend recently, she told me that her brother had committed suicide while on the drug, Klonopin. I knew he had died but did not know the circumstances. Why don't doctors know this? I found it on the Internet. Don't they do any research on the Internet? Statistically speaking, have they seen all the people that react okay on Klonopin and are they now overdue for the rest of us?
The Internet also said to stay away from Xanex if there is a severe reaction to Klonopin. They are in the same family so-to-speak. So, this explained a lot to me, too. I hope it helps someone by writing this.
It cost me plenty. It cost me my integrity, my honor and my pocketbook.
poster:Didier
thread:46928
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20001012/msgs/46928.html