Posted by tdaneen on October 18, 2000, at 14:11:06
In reply to Re: reply to: Sorry, but I dunno..., posted by pullmarine on October 18, 2000, at 4:00:24
>
>
>
> >I am sorry for your pain.
> I'm not. I've gotten used to it. It's become my friend and protector.
>
What you said about your pain struck a nerve with me. It is my protector. It is what keeps me safe, leery of others who want to hurt me. When I am alone it is there, It is always there. It has always been there.
It is a paradox though. In many ways it is like an abusive husband. One of those toxic relationships that is just so blinding and addictive there is no other alternative but that.
I only came to this conclusion recently. I was in group, and I was asked point blank by my group leader why I was afraid to let go of my pain. I realized that I would no longer know who I would be.
The group thought that this would be a super opportunity to recreate a new "better" person. I gently reminded them that I could also screw that one up worse than I did the first one.So, here I am. Love my pain demon? Honor it like my protector and guardian? Keep striving to come to a place where I can be a casual visitor with it?
I dunno. To me it is a real entity. I guess that the best I would like to hope for would be for my pain to act more like a casual guest, not my siamese twin.
BTW: I've been following your posts for a while now. I am beginning to see some glimmers of light through the darkness of your posts. I'm wishing you all the best.-tdaneen
poster:tdaneen
thread:46632
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20001012/msgs/46689.html