Posted by cmm on October 3, 2000, at 0:12:08
Hi,
I just found this board a few days ago, while searching for information about Celexa. I started Celexa almost 3 weeks ago.
I've wandered through bits and pieces of different threads and although it's all very interesting, it has kind of amplified my main concern about taking an anti-depressant. I wonder sometimes (a lot of the time) if this is something I should actually be doing, if my "bad" feelings are significant enough to warrant chemical intervention, or if I'm just a weak-willed person unable to manage a bad day. That thought has me tied in knots - I'm either taking a step towards correcting some problem my brain has, or I'm dramatising something experienced by everyone into a full blown illness.
I don't doubt that I need some sort of assistance - I've been in therapy on and off for about 8 years - but I don't know if I "deserve" an anti-depressant. There's something in our culture which says the painful way out of a dilemma is the most virtuous, the most courageous - and I don't know if I can escape from that.
And then there's the way I got my prescription. I live in Japan right now and went a doctor while on a vacation home I had seen maybe once or twice, years ago, and she prescribed Celexa just listening to me saying things had been bad. Since I am not sure about my perception of my life, and her diagnosis was based solely on my descriptions, it just accentuates my fear that I'm doing something wrong.
I know this is a long story. I've tried to explain this to the few friends I've told about this, though, but they don't seem to understand. They're lovely and kind and try to be supportive, but it just makes me feel like they're feeding me pablum and not really saying what they think.
Anyway, I guess I hope someone has had a similar conflict when beginning medication, and can offer some sort of rationalization I can grasp. Every morning I take my little pill hoping for the best, but part of me thinks I've given up on myself in resorting to this.
Thanks
poster:cmm
thread:45725
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000926/msgs/45725.html