Posted by Mania on September 2, 2000, at 9:57:49
Thank you Peg..!!!
I forget to introduse my self on this site.I just rushed in to this messageboard without telling anobody of my self... Feeling a bit shame..!!!
------- About me..!!!------------------------
My real name is Marie and I shoised the name Mania from my disorder.
In some situations when I meet people that can't deal with mental illness I present my self as "Marie, the mental one..." Can't help it, but I love to se the reaction.I live in the very restrictive country, Sweden.
(The reasen wy my English is so bad...)
Everything has to be on prescriptions, of course you can by pills for headache, vitamines and som skincareproducts in the farmacy.Thats wy I so intressed in how to get contact with "the-easy-way-to-by-drugs-without-prescriptions".
And I really want to get a serius contact so I don't loose to much money.
Even more happy if it's in Europe...I'm 35 and I live separated from my 5 years old doughters father.
My doughter is my all and everything. She make me stay in reality...I have/or had a relationship with a man I still in love with. It's a bit messy right now, but I hope we can clear things out. Otherwise he will stay in my heart as a tenderly, warm and god friend.
Of course I have feelings so there might be a lot of tears.
(But it could never be as hard as the black bottom in my downs. This is normaly feelings that everyone have to deal with, with or without mental illness... So I will servive....)My dougther have never had any sideaffects about my disorder. She even doesn't know...
She thinks I go to the doctor because of my kidniess, that sometimes are in real pain with stones and so one.
(That made me understand wy somebody react so god in opiates.)
Even if I got into a hypomanic fase 2-10 days. She just then got a mother with a lot of fantasies and I went very playfull.
Love to make things just to se her eyes glow in happyniness.I'm that kind of person that can feel before a real manic is growing inside me. So I can contact the hospital and tell them that I will come in for treatment. At the first time I did that the nurces in psyc-jour told me I was laying.
They sad that nobody can feel the Mania come.
I had to call them for five times before they let me come in.
(After they seen me I guess they changed there opinion)Now there is a big note in my journal that if I say I need hospital care, they can't say no.
That thanks to my doctor. He think that I've got a big selfknowledge and that must be respected. By the five times I been neede hospital care I have put me there by myself.
I thinks that is because I'm a mother. And any mother have the medial feeling in some cases to servive.NOTE: My doughter lives as much with her father as with me. We change every friday. This is very normal in Sweden. And it workes out real good.
And when I feel that I have to go to hospital, her father is there everytime for me.
Of course I help him a alot when he needs me to.--------Psycho-Bubble--------------------------
I was just like PEG happy to find a place were I could ask everything and get the answers from other people with disorders.
So without saying "Hello here I am" to everybody I started to "BIG-BUBBLE..."
Thanks Dr BOB..!!!In Sweden were I come from I have a site for Bipolar Disorders. The visitores are just don't regulary diagnosed as Bipolar Affective Disorders.
Some have Bordeline, panich disorders, psychosies, schizofrenia and all people that have pain in there souls are welcome.But all information about the illness are about Manic-Depression.
I also have a messageboard that is very well visited. A live Java-chat.
I have a section were I tell about my life and how it felt to be diagnosed for this chronic disorder.
My visitores have also made my site to what it is today. They share there lifestorys and poems with the kindness to make new visitores to not feel alone and Welcome.
I've got a helpsite for students. So not just I could help them with information. I remember before, I could reach over hundred mails per week just to help students.And I made a section for friends and the family around a human with mental illness.
Take a thought... How many friends and family is it around just ONE patient...???
The thinking is abnorm.
I'm re-organize the site at the moment. It will be on a serius TV-program in januari so I really need to fix it up.
(Later on when it's ready I will give you the adress.)By the TV... I was asked because I've already been cooming offently in daily newspapers, even PC-papers, and a kultur Radioprogram.
"Help on the net" was the theem.But before I sad yes to do the TV-program I had to sit down and really think.
"Could this hurt me or anyone around me...NO
Can I help other people if I say yes...YES
How many get a chance to read there own poems in TV...NOT MANY
How many get a chance to have there art shown in TV...NOT MANY
How many get the chance to decide everything they will show up...ALMOST NON
Does it make my ego comfortable...YEAH...WOW..!!!
Am I now sure that you have to be crazy to come somewere...ABSOLUTLY"
So what to do..???
GO FOR IT!!!NOTE: I know that I will help a lot of young people to not feel so alone with there disorder. And I really fucked up with the media who only show up mental illness together with a totally messed-up lifesituation.
I want to show you can be yong, smart, have a home and maybe a family. It's not printed on you "WARNING, mental illness"...And the most important thing...WE ARE NOT STUPID BECAUSE OF PAIN IN OUR SOULS.
(Not to boast, I end my school with the best certificates, even though I was a "Maniac" but almost depressed then.)
-------My illness---------------------------------
Somwere between Bipolar I and Bipoar II. But on my meds quite normal, hmm... not really. %)If you ones have had the wonderfull feeling of euphoria. You become addicted..
So between you allhere and me, sometimes I don't take my Absenor (antiepileptic like Tegretol).
After two days I become more allert and productive. But I know when to take my Absenor again, otherwise I can't sleep.
And it's a little bit riskey.
I know I can fly up to high to the manic stadium.But I never stop the Lithium-dose. For me Lithium was just a little bit trubbel with my stomach in the beginning. But now... nothing more than a insurence for balans in my life.
I also eat Seroxat and Remeron. The Seroxatdose is different depend on were in the mounth we are (it help me with my PMS and I eat a half pill more under that period). I can not get all the help from Lithium and Absenor, than I will become depressed. Thats wy I need two kind of SSRI's (yes I know that Remeron also works on noradrenalin).
I saw that many of the writers here have their depression since childhood. So am I. I remember that I was laying down everynight before sleep. My brain started to think about universe and existensil questions. Of course I could not find any solutions or answers so instead my brain started to pain till I've get blackouts...
I didn't now a name to put on my pain so I didn't tell my parents.
But now I know, it was early panic disorder...-------The Grand Finale---------------------------
I could go on and on with more non-interested info about myself.
But I quit here before Dr Bob trough me out.
=)I really like this place and I wish to stay.
Mania alias "Marie the mental one..!"
Ps! I want adderall to stop messing with my Absenor. But Adderall and similar are totally forbidden in Sweden. The docs have to ask the gouverment if they could treat a patient with it.
poster:Mania
thread:44284
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000822/msgs/44284.html