Posted by allisonm on August 23, 2000, at 22:48:16
In reply to Re: Probs with Alcohol - Allison and Mark, posted by Libby on August 23, 2000, at 17:56:38
I agree with Libby -- hard candy can help.
I don't mean to be telling you what to do, but I would suggest not beating yourself up by likening quitting drinking to being "good" because if you slip, you'll feel like you've been "bad" or not "good" and you don't need that because it can lead to a lot of self-blame and a sense hopelessness. "Being good" also connotes a feeling that you are trying to do what others or society expects of you when it's probably better to stop for yourself and for your own reasons. Otherwise you can start resenting those perceived to be holding up the standards of "being good" and then either feel hopeless that you'll never meet their expections and will always be a failure or your resentment may turn into rebellion. This is what happened with my mother. Whenever she told me she was "being good," there was a sarcastic, angry tone in her voice. I knew she was pissed off and that it wouldn't be long before she was drinking again because she resented having to stop drinking, no matter that it was damaging her. I don't know whether this makes any sense.
If you could find someone who's going through this also (AA is a good place for this), it may help you in your resolve to stop. You need encouragement and support. I cannot stress this enough. I'm glad you're telling your husband you're trying to quit, but he doesn't really know why. You need to be able to talk to someone who knows the real reason why. You need to be able to talk about your feelings and struggles with this. In turn, you could help another person in the same struggle.
With all best wishes,
Allison
poster:allisonm
thread:42413
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000822/msgs/43602.html