Posted by tina on July 18, 2000, at 14:06:16
In reply to A quick note before I go » tina, posted by Kath on July 18, 2000, at 10:08:57
I guess "foot in mouth" disease runs rampant. Thanks for making me feel better guys. I still think I need to think a little more before I speak even if it is an honest opinion. I should take into consideration the other person's possible interpretations before blurting out something that may offend. Just a slight personality flaw. Believe me, i have bigger ones than this.
Thanks again guys
Love y'all
Tina> Hey Tina! Just having a quick glance at PB before I get my act together & drive off into the sunny day (I'm being optimistic it will turn sunny). I'm going to have a wonderful time. I'm feeling really down today...it seems to be getting worse daily & I think I'm getting in touch with the GRIEF. My son has a serious addiction problem & is in total denial. I wrote details yesterday to Kerry B. about our appointment at our psychiatrist if you want details. I don't remember if I said there that he said he didn't want to come back because he didn't want to live by rules. He also said he does NOT have a drug problem; that he IS the way he is & I have to accept that that's how he's living his life & that I'm from a different generation & don't understand - his drug use is "recreational" (even though he uses every day & from what I can see it's the main thing in his mind). It's alot for me to face - he doesn't want to change. I'm going to try & be in touch with my feelings over the next few days & it will be the best thing to be with my daughter, because she's been there, to some extent & understands him better than I do, also she loves him to pieces (like I do if I get in touch with THOSE feelings, which is very hard right now, because it makes it too hard to be as "tough" as I think is in his best interest.
> You're so sweet saying that about my daughter being a lucky kid. I feel like such a failure right now. Wow - that's the first time I've even realized that!!
> Thanks for being there. I'm so glad my words helped you in any kind of way.
> I'll be in touch on Friday. I's 11:10 a.m. or so right now. I'll probably sign off real soon & maybe check in briefly before I leave.
> You'll be in my thoughts.
>
> Luv ya Kath
>
>
>
> > >Hey Kath: Have a great time at your daughter's place. She's a pretty lucky kid if you ask me. Thanks for the kind words, as usual you have given me something to think about and made me feel better.
> > Love you too
> > Tina
> >
> >
> > Hi Tina - Just wrote a big long reply & couldn't send it for some reason. I'll try again.
> > > I have found that in inter-personal-relationships there are "dances" that happen. I think in your "dance" with this person, who I will call "X", there is some kind of thing happening that you don't understand.
> > > The author of the Celestine Prophecy wrote in either that book or the one that followed it, about "control dramas". I haven't read it, but my daughter talks alot about them & finally understood what was happening with her former boyfriend & herself when she learned of the control dramas.
> > > People can cast themselves in certain roles & get "energy" from being in that role. X might like the pitty or grovelling or shame that you tend to feel when X is in "victim" mode. Alot of people are in "poor me" mode...or "how could you be so......" mode. X might get a feeling of being NEEDED when you apologize, or feel that you really care for them when you apologize. They might need to feel your caring, or affection, or love, & feel it most when you've (so-called) "screwed-up" - take note I said "so-called". It might be good to try & analyze it a bit, or even share an example with someone & see what they see in it (feel free to email me). Maybe X needs to feel self-righteous or that THEY'RE right, or they're more fair, or they've got their head on right. I have a feeling this might have 'way more to do with THEM than with you.
> > > I've never seen you be anything other than kind, caring, thoughtful, considerate, fun & likeable here on PB. Do go easy on yourself. I think you're accepting alot of blame here & I doubt if it's YOU having a difficult personality.
> > > Am going to my daughter's in Guelph for a few days. Will check in again on Friday.
> > >
> > > Luv' ya' (& that isn't why I said that stuff either.)
> > >
> > > Kath
poster:tina
thread:40770
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000717/msgs/40857.html