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Re: Fear of Life and Terror of Death

Posted by Cecilia on July 16, 2000, at 16:30:28

In reply to Re: Fear of Life and Terror of Death , posted by julesvox on July 16, 2000, at 9:05:12

> my heart goes out to you. when i was feeling as suicidal as it sounds you are feeling, for years, i read a book over and over again. it's called Waking Up, Alive : The Descent, the Suicide Attempt, and the Return to Life by Richard A. Heckler. (i think it's out of print so check a library first.) i know you may not have the attention span for reading right now but the stories in the book helped me through. i know what it's like to want to just stop.
>
> i'm sure others will have more knowledge of ect than i, but my pdoc and i discussed it and he believes it's an appropriate treatment when no meds seem to work. i didn't do it but i trusted him when he said the procedure today is not like in the movies or the horror stories but relatively gentle. if you have the energy, ask if you can talk to someone who's had it.
>
> as for the stigma of being hospitalized--i told my office i'd had a bad allergy attack. i don't think they believed me but i stuck to my story and no one confronted me. i gave them a letter from my pdoc on hospital stationery that didn't identify him as a psychiatrist. your health is your business and you don't have to tell them anything you don't want to.

I read that book. Waking Up, Alive a long time ago, but I can`t remember the details. There hasn`t been a day since I was 18 that I haven`t thought about suicide, though. I`m still here because I`m the world`s biggest coward. I feel so trapped in a pointless life and it makes me so angry because if there is nothing afterwards all that pain has been for absolutely nothing. And if there is something it`ll probably be even worse.

 

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