Posted by Kamber Goold on July 11, 2000, at 21:49:33
I have yet to read or find any information that captures what I go through, and the two doctors that have seen me disagee or are unsure about my experience as well. It is quite unsettling to not have stumbled upon literature or people in my life that can recognize or reference someone that's gone through it as well. I feel very alone in my experience thus far.
This time around,(it's been the first attack in two years), I have had an abundance of racing thoughts that have kept me awake, maybe averaging two hours of sleep a night after tossing and turning, that are in total overdrive about anything and everything-- they were so fast, they were to the point where I COULDN'T perform. The thoughts are directed toward self "realizations" I am having, but instead of performing unrealistic projects or feeling "great," I am agitated, depressed, anxious. I feel paralyzed by my thoughts. They are going so fast that I question whether or not I will be able to speak and communicate with people, pick up a book and read, and other little "daily" things. After the first week, they slightly,(only slightly) subsided, and I instantly crashed and fell into a dark hole that hated my life, hated everything around me, was bathing in my own despair,(yes; depression)yet still my mind raced at the same time. I also would get wierd,irrational "theories" stuck in my head that I knew weren't true, but would still be paranoid and fear their truth. What is this? I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a year and 1/2 ago, but my new doctor doesn't feel she can diagnose me again quite yet. I am being treated by medication that has cleared most of the symptoms (Zyprexa and Neurontin), but no diagnosis is made. I feel like I have a good enough grasp on what's going on with me, but at the same time a lot of personal disclosure may come if someone else could relate, or offer their opinion or advice. Anyone? Thanks!
poster:Kamber Goold
thread:40128
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000708/msgs/40128.html