Posted by Rick E. on July 5, 2000, at 7:46:22
In reply to Re: to Rick from kerry B, posted by kerry B on July 4, 2000, at 5:44:48
> > Hi Rick,
> > Glad to hear that you moved safely despite a few
> > set-backs. Glad your first priority was to get your pc working!!!!
> > Hope you are feeling really much better now. Nothing worse than having those attacks. I wish I could start the whole month over again and make it that none of this ever happened!!!
> > Actually having a health team guy out today to see me. Don't know how I am going to explain it all to him, as of lately, my vocal communication port has shut down a bit. Can never find the words to describe just what I'm going through. Do you have that problem? Writing for me is so much easier, maybe I'll just hand him my latest input into my journal?
> > Are you back at work now? Hope it is going well for you!!!!! Stay on your meds! It's a catch 22 situation. We feel as though we are on top of the world but it is only the meds but, always live with the hope that one day when we do go off them, we will never need them again. That phase of our lives will have passed.
> > I always believe that this life is like a university and if we hang in there and learn all that we can we will come through with flying colours!!!! (hope that makes sense)!!!!
> > Well, I have to somehow get ready for this visit I'm having. I am up early this-morning and it is so nice and quiet, bit shakey though, don't know why. Hopefully today will be THE day that they will look into my meds and see that there is a major fault there, just hoping anyway!
> > I will keep you posted as to what they tell me today. People have me in hospital already but there's no way I'm going there, done my time before and it's not enjoyable.
> > Hope you're enjoying your new place and all is well as I am writing this...Post you soon......
> > P.S We shall have Phd's, remember, we are in the university of life!!!! HaHaHa!!!!!
> >
> > Kerry
>
>
> Hi Rick,
> Just a quicky to let you know the Health team guy came out this-morning after I sent you the last post. He was really great, showed alot of enthusiasm toward my case, got to the root of my problem which is stuff from way back in my childhood and throughout the years and is referring me to the special treatment clinic where I can work on this stuff. He seems to think that it was the trigger of my illness and if I work through it all, no matter how painful, I shall recover to some degree, maybe not get off meds but feel better in myself. Has anyone ever suggested that to you? It amazes me why noboby ever has before, to me, I might have had this all over and done with if they had of got onto this earlier, way earlier. He called it post traumatic shock and I'm thinking of all you've been through in your life, maybe it's something to look into. No I haven't got my Phd as from today, wish I had though.
> Anyway, I'm feeling a little more positive at the moment, still struggling with moods but I will have to learn to handle them.
> Well hope you are having a good time right now. It's the 4th of July coming up for you so have a good time, what do you do? Celebrate? Anyway, take care and keep me posted on how you're going!!!!
>
> KerryKerry,
Glad to hear that you were satisfied by your team...it's always nice to find some solutions instead of always thinking about our problems. I, luckily, am also on the road of solutions, feeling much better. I also have an easier time writing, it gives me a chance to revise and edit, unlike talking, where once you say it, it's done. I don't blame you for not wanting to go back to the hospital, I've done some "time" there myself, although, at that time, I think I really needed to be there...definately didn't want to be though. I think now that I realize that I have this disease, it is easier to deal with, there are things that I know that I have to do, like meds and whatnot. I am really happy that someone showed so much enthusiasm about your life...it seems like that is one of the biggest complaints on this board, is finding doctors that will give you the time of day. Sounds like you have a good thing going there.
Speaking of childhood issues, yes I am sure that I have carried some things into adult life with me, I think most of it is a general fear of people. I have also had some bad things happen in my adult life that have brought on some new phobias for me...like a divorce that I am now finally getting some headway on, but it's been over 2 years since I have seen my children. My (now) ex-wife, who dated a cop for 7 years, knows the system inside and out, accused me of domestic violence, which was a lie, and has been able to keep me tied up in so much litigation because I won't give up on seeing my kids. I will win this battle, but it has come at a cost, and I am just worried now that the court psychologists will find out about my depression/anxiety state and use THAT against me, after I have come all this way. I just barely escaped jailtime for breaking a protection order by making a phone call, then again a couple years later for driving past her house, which I HAD to do in order to make my probation appointment. She really doesn't know the extent to which she has hurt me, and I don't want her to find out. The last couple of years has been non-stop turmoil for me, and it's been hard to hold my head above water, but I'm still here and I'm still fighting. I love my kids to death, and it's going to be a hard reunion, but I can't wait...it's going to happen soon.
Well, that's enough for now. Keep me posted.
Rick E.
poster:Rick E.
thread:38609
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000630/msgs/39425.html