Posted by shar on June 26, 2000, at 21:51:39
In reply to harry b. is sad distraught, posted by harry b. on June 25, 2000, at 22:10:42
> Took forever to connect this evening. Very annoying &
> frustrating. If I wasn't so down I'd shut this machine
> off & throw it out the window.
>
> Don't need advice, don't want advice.
>
> One of my goals is to stop isolating and attempt to
> socialize.
>
> I tried today. Went to the airport & saw people & talked,
> and *everyone* asked me about my ex friend/father-figure/
> surrogate family. Wanted to know how they were, what
> they were doing, etc, etc.
>
> One person even handed me photos taken at his retirement
> party. I wanted to look at them but knew I should not.
> It was like passing a bad accident on the highway, you
> don't want to see the gore but you are compelled to
> look.
>
> The combination of everyone asking me how he is
> (they assume we are still close), and viewing the photos
> of the party that I did not attend (a self protection
> strategy because I did want to go) knocked me on my ass.
>
> Big time.
>
> All those years, memories and conversations are playing
> in an endless loop in my head, along with the constant
> questions of why the door was slammed in my face. I can't
> stop them.
>
> Now I'm crying, feeling so rejected & outcast, and having
> serious thoughts of suicide again.
>
> I hate to even post this but I need to get it out. I feel
> utterly lost.
>
> Sorry for the downer, folks, but I am one f*cked up
> loser tonight.
>
> Time to take some serious knock-me-out meds to get
> thru the night.
> hb
>
>
>
>I shake my fist at God for Harry B.
Shar
>
poster:shar
thread:38343
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000619/msgs/38375.html