Posted by SLS on June 25, 2000, at 9:37:29
In reply to judyl, posted by Chris A. on June 20, 2000, at 13:30:48
Dear Chris,
I felt well enough to post a few things today. I want to extend to you empathy and a sharing of extreme experiences. I don't know what else I can do.
I was feeling suicidal all last week. For me, suicidal ideations usually occur when there is a worsening of the biological depressive state itself. However, there always seems to be some pretty rational arguments for leaving such a painful existence. I can only tell you that this emotional state can disappear as quickly as it appears. It can also reappear quickly, which makes it even harder for me to gather strength to fight it again. I try to hold on to the idea that it will pass. However, while I am in the middle of it, I don't see how things can ever be better. One of my doctors described to me his impression of how one experiences severe depression. He said that there is a "timelessness" about it. It seems to have no beginning and no end.
Who can argue with you about how rational it is for *you* to commit suicide? To simply say that it makes no sense makes no sense. I would only encourage you to continue to search for your own reasons to stay alive. It appears that you have already found some good ones. I wish that I could guarantee to myself that I will always be strong enough and find my own reasons during my worst times. I am afraid to make such a commitment, for doing so may represent a commitment to endure more pain.
You see, you are not alone.
I am glad that you have found enough reason to live another day. Who else is going to help me through my severe and excruciating experiences? (I am selfish).
One thing I am now trying to keep in mind is that clinical researchers say that with every new drug that comes out, a percentage of previously treatment-resistent people get well.
Sincerely,
Scott
poster:SLS
thread:37089
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000619/msgs/38323.html