Posted by Lynn B on June 16, 2000, at 12:29:19
In reply to Re: Following your calling...., posted by AndrewB on June 16, 2000, at 5:49:23
> Mahatma Ghandi I am not,
>
> But I say save giving for the weekends and for your family unless that you are doing what you really enjoy doing. There are givers and takers in this world. In my book it is best to be somewhere in between. Sometimes truly sacrificing givers are, deep down inside, trying to curry favor with the world to compensate for what they feel is their unwelcome presence amoungst us. Don't give for the wrong reasons. Love, not fear, should guide you.Wow, thanks for all your perspectives. Each of you gave me something to think about. Nursing is something that I have had in the back of my mind for the past few years. Some things have happened this year that have compelled me to action. Turning 37 and having your youngest child finish kindegarten thrusts you into having to face what else you are besides a mother. About the same time my Mom had emergency quad-by-pass surgery(which was the third person in my immediate family to do so in 4 years). I flew down to Florida to be with her. She was having a great deal of anxiety and this was something I was able to help particularly with. I was sitting on one side of her and a Heart Psychologist who was called in was on the other. She said she wanted to live a few more years because she had always wanted to do something really meaningful in her life. We tried to reassure her that raising four children to become good people was incredibly meaningful to this world. But inside I knew exactly what she meant. She had dropped out of Nursing School when she got married. She would always wonder what else she might have been.
History does repeat itself. I have four children(two from a previous marriage that are older) and I didn't want to always wonder. I found that caring for her while she recovered was very rewarding. I could do this and I have a passion about medicine and how the body works. Not only that but it would be a continuation of what my mother never finished. This was my plan, as soon as my depression was under control again---which is proving harder to acheive this time.
Something else happened before I started school this summer. Having a bout of bronchitis I went to the urgent-care clinic in the next town. While waiting to be seen I heard a young woman wailing in the next room. I knew immediately that this was a mother grieving for her child. The attendant confirmed this, and said somthing about some days being not so pleasant here. I was crying so hard I was embarrassed. Here was this woman in the next room experiencing my worst nightmare and everyone was going about their business. I sat there for almost two hours listening to her and feeling this unbelievable emotional outpouring. This scared me, I guess. How can one be a professional and be that emotionally prone?
So, I talked myself out of entering the Nursing Program. Telling myself I didn't have the right personality profile for the job. I'm currently taking horticulture classes which I find very therapeutic, but not particularly challenging or rewarding. I did floral design for a few years part time and found hapiness in creating. It just isn't as noble. Like Andrew said, maybe my motivation is to prove myself rather than be at peace with myself. Doing what you love is my advice to my children. I will pray on this. Thanks, I hope I can be as helpful to all of you.
Lynn
poster:Lynn B
thread:37436
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000610/msgs/37540.html