Posted by Adam on June 3, 2000, at 16:07:22
In reply to Re: Hope....kids....drugs.....life....., posted by Elizabeth on June 3, 2000, at 8:53:30
I have dealt with similar concerns, and still deal with them, especially these days, since I am approaching my sixth month in a relationship with a woman I feel very serious about. She is older than me, and has also suffered from depression. We both met, quite ironically, during a period when we were changing or starting treatment, and we both became "involved" a short while after we found relief. We have much in common, and that has been a great source of strength.
The desire to have a family is a very powerful one for some, her more so than me. Age may be a factor, and (wincing at the implications) sex. As I have mentioned elsewhere, I am, in my views of humanity, a genetic determinist, which means I cannot ignore the influences of "hormones" on our "judgement", though I do not deny that human beings posess, to some extent, an ability for self-reflection that allows us a degree of rational freedom from the influence of the "selfish gene". All of it may be the ultimate manifestation in us of the selective pressures that have shaped our psychology, giving us the ability to weigh altruistic values against simpler urges toward fight-or-flight and sex. Being intelligent, the more we know, the more the altruistic must ponder.
What the information is telling us is that genes probably play a role in all mental illness, and most certainly do in some forms of it. Environment is definitely an essential part of the equation. However, given the paradigmatic example of PTSD, some people confronted with attrocity develop pathology, while others don't. Still further, some may, rather than recoiling from violence, be drawn to it. Those who fall in the middle of the spectrum, from debilitating revulsion to sociopathic fascination are what we hold up as the ideal norm.
I'm guessing that the real differences between the ideal and those who fall ouside of it are small, subtle, and dependant on extremely complex interactions between genes and environment, which is why the genetic component(s) of depression have been so hard to pin down, though they doubtlessly exist. In a way, the war veteran who develops PTSD is, to me, easier to understand than a person who is somehow able to move on from such experiences relatively unscathed. Perhaps such innate characteristics, given more fertile ground in which to grow, might have developed into a nobility and hightened sense of compassion the "average" person would admire as a strength rather than a weakness. Perhaps if I had not lost a parent when I was very young and had not been physically and verbally abused so much, what has manifested itself as severe depression, anxiety, and obsessive self-hatred might have left me simply introverted, cerebral and overly meticulous, qualities not everyone admires, but certainly not in need of a psychiatric cure.
And yet I am struck by the change selegiline has caused in my mood. Among the more objective measurements of my mental state I have seen, my HAMD score went from 29 to 6 in a month. What does this mean about my biology, both innate and/or shaped by experience?
I haven't a clue. What is to be done when considering progeny? The only choice I can see before me is that if I find myself in the kind of relationship where I could have a family, I simply lack the necessary information to force me not to try. I might regret it, but for now I simply have no way of knowing. If I am to focus on the positive, while acknowledging the negative, then I must admit that while the odds are higher than I would like that a child of ours would develop a mood or anxiety disorder, it is not, based on what I know, a foregone conclusion. And even if mental illness is an inevitability, it seems I have clues as to what an adequate treatment regimine might be. I cannot assume that my child would not be, as I now finally am, happy to be alive.
Lacking the knowledge needed to be a moral and effective eugenicist, it would be wrong to try to be. I leave that, as I must, to future, wiser, and better equipped generations, who hopefully would not begrudge me the happiness I might hope to bring to myself and those I care about by having a family.
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> Kathie...I hope things start looking up for you. I know how tiring long drives can be. I take it there aren't any closer options?
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> Hey, if your daughter wants, maybe she could post here. I'd be glad to talk to her.
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> All this talk of trouble with kids scares me. I've been wondering whether it's a good idea for me to have kids...like, what if they get my genes and end up screwed up, plus I can't deal with it effectively because I happen to be having a relapse of my depression at the time? I'd feel so guilty. (Not that this is an appropriate response, just an expected one.)
poster:Adam
thread:35321
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000603/msgs/35887.html