Posted by Mark H. on May 10, 2000, at 15:58:03
In reply to re: Mark H. and hypomania, posted by Todd on May 10, 2000, at 14:40:22
Hi Todd,
Beautifully said -- another one of your responses I will keep on hand for those tough days. By the end of last week, I was experiencing a state of homicidal and suicidal rage. I have excellent self-control, so nobody got hurt, but it sure took a toll on my body and brain for a few days.
When that started to arise yesterday morning, I recognized the over-reacting and paranoid quality of it right away and immediately got an appointment with my psychiatrist for early afternoon.
I explained that my therapist of many years was currently encouraging me (and everyone else in his group practices) to express small irritations as soon as they arise, so that anger doesn't build up. I don't experience "small irritations." If it's small, I have the skills and ability to choose something other than anger in response -- I've been working on it for 30 years. But he kept pushing me to practice minor outbursts as a healthy release and, as he says, to drain the swamp.
Well, as you can imagine, I go from zero to 100 in about 10 minutes of being pushed and encouraged to give voice to my anger. I don't think it's the right "method" for me -- it's working well for my wife and others, and I think it's great for them, if it works for them.
My psychiatrist has also been a group client of my therapist, so he (my shrink) knows my therapist's techniques, and in his opinion, the exercise of expressing my anger was "kindling" rage, like throwing more wood on smouldering embers -- not the right technique for bipolars.
Likewise, Sue and I met with our lama on Saturday, and he reminded me that we have practices for draining and purifying afflictive emotions that don't involve indulging them. He also suggested that I negotiate a different agreement for dealing with "small irritations" with my therapist.
My psychiatrist gave me some Zyprexa to try, since I thought perhaps I should be taking an anti-psychotic on those days that I feel like my head is going to explode. I took 5mg last night and slept 16 hours -- whoops! But I feel good today, calm, my humor has returned, and everything is back in perspective. I'm not so much focused on myself.
I may or may not go to group tonight, but the next time I see my therapist, I will negotiate a different way of dealing with it. I still need to practice letting Sue express her anger and irritations without analyzing them for validity or doing anything about them -- that will be a stretch for me -- but I'm not going to join her in the exercise. On the other hand, I have given her permission to tell me to go sit on a cushion (that is, meditate/practice) anytime of the day or night that she thinks I need to look at what I'm doing. That feels OK to me.
I'm almost glad to have had that mania experience, as unpleasant as it was. I'm grateful for the support of my wife, pdoc, good meds and the wonderful people on this board.
Much love,
Mark H.
poster:Mark H.
thread:32113
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000508/msgs/33088.html