Posted by Greg on May 10, 2000, at 11:31:48
In reply to Re: To Shar - thank you!, posted by Brenda on May 10, 2000, at 11:10:29
Shar and Brenda,
Thank you for sharing (indirectly) your continuing battles with our disease. I get so comfortable with having so many years of sobriety, that I sometimes forget that I'm just one drink away from a drunk. I too, would rather die than drink again and I know that if I do, I'll be dead soon anyway. I also have my "first" 30-day chip, and 60-day, 90-day, etc... Brenda, 20 years!!! That's amazing and I'm very proud of, and happy for you. You both have helped to keep me honest, I go thru those "I haven't had a craving in a long time, so maybe I'm not really an alcoholic" feelings. I need "friends" to bring me back down earth. Thanks.My favorite saying in the program is: Keep it simple, stupid. Boy does that really apply to me sometimes...... ;-)
Hugs to you both,
Greg> > YES, YES, YES! With "all" my years, I do have strong cravings to drink at times, more when stressed out. Since my divorce two years ago, it's become very common to REALLY WANT TO DRINK. I guess I just accept the cravings.
> >
> > I think it might help you if you could let your sobriety be a source of Pride for you. That you have accomplished something VERY difficult, and very worthwhile, and you are proud of yourself for it. (Without your 20 years, I bet you wouldn't have 40 rosebushes.)
> >
> > You've chosen a path that is to your benefit, not to your detriment; that is something to be (very) proud of, too. It can take monumental effort to do what you've done! It's a MAJOR accomplishment.
> > Hooray for you!!
> >
> > I know that although drinking was an effective survival mechanism for years, it will not get me the life I want right now. I'm very grateful to be sober. I heard an AAer say once "I don't want what I deserve, I want mercy!!" We don't act in very "deserving" ways when we're drunk/high/stoned...remember?
> >
> > So, I am very careful, and I don't take that first drink, because I am firmly convinced it would not be long until I was back in the saddle again. (I know I have another drunk in me, but I don't know that I have another sober in me.)
> >
> > It's really (for me) a one day, one hour, one whatever, at a time. I tell myself the craving will pass, I keep myself out of bars, etc. And, I always get my yearly chip. I rarely go to meetings, but my chips are very important to me!
> >
> > Do you get yours? And I've kept my very first desire chip. They're all a very physical, here and now symbol of how hard I've worked and what I've attained, and I don't want to lose that.
> >
> > You sound like you know how it is. And, you're still sober (yeaaaa!!) and you are a good alcoholic (like me and a million others) who has the desire to drink at times. No shame in that.
> >
> > Shar
> >
> >
> > > Shar, I'm curious - I haven't been to a meeting in years - I have almost 20 yrs. clean/sober - Do you find you still have the desire at times to medicate your depression with alcohol? I quit when I was just 25 y.o., and at 44 I still find the urge when the pain is soooo bad or I'm sooo overwhelmed to pick up a drink - and this is with 11 yrs. of therapy and AD's. BTW, I have a 24 y.o. son, 4 dogs, 2 cats, 40 rosebushes, a husband in law school fulltime and my own business. Any help you can offer would be wonderful.
> > > Thanks, Brenda
>
> Shar, Thanks for your reply. I printed it out to keep with me. I have my first "chip" and want to go for my 20th in December. I forget that it is an accomplishment, and to tell myself "good work" when I don't take that drink in moments of pain. Talk about crazy - I will jump to thoughts of death before taking that drink. It can be difficult as my husband drinks occasionally (for relief from his stress) and I can get pretty resentful about it. One thing I have learned from him is to take care of myself FIRST. I guess I'm rambling a bit. Thanks so much. BTW - I'm on the west coast.
> Brenda
poster:Greg
thread:32335
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000508/msgs/33049.html