Posted by bob on April 9, 2000, at 13:08:25
In reply to Re: I spoke to soon. Kill me now!, posted by Sherry on April 9, 2000, at 10:13:51
It can be really hard to keep this perspective, but sometimes feeling like shit can be an improvement.
When I dropped out of Babbleland from December through the end of February, it was because I was going through one of the worst depressive episodes I have ever had. But some tiny shred of rationality kept pointing out to me that the reason I felt so bad was because I was FEELING and I was CARING for the first time in **years**. Now, if my life had been all rosy when those parts of my brain decided to start working again, I'm sure I wouldn't have needed all the sunshine I was blowing up my butt to keep me going ... but it wasn't. My girlfriend and I were breaking up, my job situation (harassment + discrimination) had gotten REALLY ugly and I didn't know where I'd be working come the next week, and Christmas just happens to be one of my family's traditional self-torture festivals.
Yep, THAT was the time my brain decided to start giving a shit about how my life was going. Perfect timing. aCk! 8*P
But, again, that tiny shred told me that whatever my mood was, my meds and talk-therapy had gotten me to the point that I cared. And once you start caring, you can start desiring change. And once you start desiring change, you can start motivating. For someone who's been a slug for years, that is **really** feckin' hard, let me tell you!
But V, you've got a ton of energy. That's probably part of the problem!, but only until you get it channelled in the right direction. You took the risk, you went after the job, it was working really well for a while, but then you lost control of it. Fine -- that's a set-back, and everyone on this board is entitled to a **little** self-flogging every once in a while. But if you're going to obsess over anything, obsess about what you were doing RIGHT while you were on that job. Identify your STRENGTHS that got you out there and LIVING, DOING. Then see how you can shore those strengths up against the ways we all like to sabotage our own best efforts.
Don't forget the screw-ups, V, but don't make them the message either. The message is that you were out there as a SUCCESS, if only for a short while, and that means you CAN do it again. Next time, it will be for a longer time.
Pick yourself up
Dust yourself off
Start all over again(Where have you gone, Captain Kangaroo?
our bulletin board turns its lonely eyes to you
woo woo woo)bob
(who else?)
poster:bob
thread:29383
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000401/msgs/29437.html