Posted by Prometheus on March 21, 2000, at 17:13:35
I've had major depression for approximately 25 years. I've been through doctors, threats, assinine medication directions, ECT, and once was threatened by a doctor with lobotomy.
I've been through every psych medication, therapy, and wrong direction provided by doctors' conflicting ideas. About five years ago, I read Listening To Prozac. Not having money for a docotr AND medication, I decided to purchase the Prozac on my own. After several weeks of no result, I began raising the dose every two weeks until it did help -- and boy did it! This level was between 160-200mg per day. When I ran out of money, I took a nose dive again.
Last year, after relaying this to my (then) doctor, over and over again, him having taken me through the usual conflicting ideas, ECT, and wrong medications and combinations, he relented and sent me to the University of Michigan for a second opinion by a team of three doctors. These doctors agreed that the high dose Prozac was the way to go, so my doctor prescribed 160mg per day. Though I had told all the doctors that I had to regulate the dose between 160-200mg/day, they ignored me and went with the lower, and 400mg/day Wellbutrin. I have felt much better, but without the regulation, have been let down by Prozac every 7th or 14th day (which is 180 degress from what I had been), which hadn't occurred before.
Recently my father-in-law died. I really loved him. I stayed strong for my wife through the funeral, then I came home and saw something I had meant to give him, and I broke down. Immediately following, my wife and I had two very bad fights. I almost succeeded in death, again, but woke up in the ICU and then transferred to the psych ward.
My doctor doesn't make hospital visits, so he passed me off to the hospital staff. The doctor said he thought the suicide attempt was different than my usual depression. He kept me on the high dose of Prozac and he and the Social Worker worked out all the details to have me enter Lifeways (community mental health). I told them my main concern was that another doctor would not understand the history or rationale behind the Prozac. They assured me that the Lifeways doctor they had scheduled me with, would not change the medication.
After meeting with this doctor last week, she immediately stated she would not continue the Prozac because of her "comfort" level. She admits she has no idea what her treatment plan would be, except taking Prozac away. I told her that my current prescription would run out this week, but she stuck with her decision and told me she'd see me in three weeks.
I been down this road with doctors before, and I know that if it isn't a dead end, then it surely needless detour which may never get me back on track. My experiences have told me to distrust doctors, yet Lifeways expects me to implicitly trust this doctor who has no treatment plan. I know for a fact what will happen when the Prozac is discontinued, but you can't force the stubborn horse to drink.
Within two weeks my depression will gain full force and take me down a long spiral. I'm so very tired of teaching, convincing, begging doctors, and putting up with their mistakes and/or threats. My insurance ends in November, and I can't afford the UofM doctors or other private doctors. Although I don't look forward to the depression, at least I know it intimately, and have become acceptive of its arrival.
I feel well right now, but with this conflict have started to become very weary and pessimistic again. I don't know what to do.
poster:Prometheus
thread:27771
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000321/msgs/27771.html