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Re: Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder...Scott Dove

Posted by Scott L. Schofield on March 14, 2000, at 11:46:02

In reply to Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder...Scott Dove, posted by Janice on March 14, 2000, at 0:56:24

> hi Scott, (follow up from your other posting)
> thanks for the compliment. it was kind of like having the rug pulled out under me that I wasn't even aware existed. I adapt quickly to new ideas.

> I have the same kind of problem in real life. I worry about whether I said the right thing at the right time...if I said something too intensely ...if I'm acting too high strung, etc. Basically, I worry about missing social cues and passing for normal. I don't mind being wrong though.

My problem is, that because I have never been wrong, I feel that people expect too much of me. Once, I thought I was wrong. But I was mistaken.

I can personally identify with everything you describe. This was particularly true for me in high school and through most of my 20’s. Much of it was due to my depression, as social anxiety is one of its features. It was pretty intense there for a while. I think the term “phobia” would apply here. Some of it was also due to the fact that I was a psychological mess. How much of this was the result of possibly being depressed from an early age is hard to say. Even now, I feel socially inhibited, especially in crowds. During the few brief periods when a drug has helped me in the past, all of that stuff vanishes as if by magic.

> Do you have cycling depression Scott?

Not now, but I did for a two-year period between ages 20 and 22. It was like clockwork. I would be severely depressed continuously for 8 days. Then, over the course of a single hour, my state would change to euthymia (or something close to it). After 3 days in this state, I would abruptly switch to depression again. This, too, would occur within an hour. After recognizing the cycle as being the manifestation of bipolar disorder, I began to keep a social calendar around it. It was that regular. When I was put on lithium, the cycling stopped, and has never reappeared.

Shit. As I’m writing this and remembering my history, I’m scared that I will never get well. Actually, I have felt this way for many years – and for good reason - but I can’t afford to recognize it. To do so might lead me down a path of inevitable destination.

> Do you have ADHD?

No. I’m pretty sure I don’t. None of my doctors have ever mentioned it.


- Scott


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poster:Scott L. Schofield thread:25437
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000312/msgs/26980.html