Posted by mary on February 1, 2000, at 20:05:05
In reply to Countdown to invasion, posted by Noa on January 31, 2000, at 21:49:59
> Sometimes, I really want someone to come see this place, as much as I hide it from everyone. This is because it is beyond belief. When I tell someone my place is a mess, I know they are visualizing a terrible mess, but that it doesn't come close to the reality of this place.
How I wish i had the nerve for someone to see how my place really looks too. Embarrassment keeps it hidden and as someone else said the mess has even kept me alive on one or two occasions. Unfinished work keeps me from quitting my job too. Because then all would know how far behind I have gotten. I suppose there's good in every bad thing.There is no way anyone could visualize the mess here. I have not used my dining room for three years now. I have been trying to clear out the clutter for over eight years. It just builds up again. (Hoarding, more than OCD,appears to be the cause as well as that darn perfectionism. YOu know, deciding where to put something, what to keep, shopping bags to fold up, old crossword puzzles to complete instead of throw otu). Istarted on a most serious attempt to work on the dining room last summer and didnt get to far since we had to have company and I redumped stuff from other rooms into the dining room of course. That way, the rest looked reasonable - right? Then I made a deal with my psychologist I would clean up the room in twelve weeks time by spending three hours on Tuesday evenings or else there would be a penalty - I would donate a sum of money to a charity of my choice equivalent to the tuition of a course on stress reduction. Then the flu hit and destroyed that plan. Set up a new one during my Christmas break with plans to complete it by January 9. That day came and went. The Samaritans are $300 richer and my dining room is better but still undone. My new agreement with my therapist is to do 45 minutes a day until my next session. Meet the goal, I keep $50 for spending on vacation. Non-comply, some other charity wins. So far so good although I almost forgot to clean it all up tonight (I did dump newspapers from 1998 and uncovered store receipts with clothes I purchased in 1996 and yet to be reutrned). One night down and five to go. The room won't be done but it will be better.
I would love to print out this trail and bring to therapy with me on Monday. YOu all have expressed over and over the despair, the issue and the problem with getting rid of the MESS. I think I'll just refer him since I'm afraid I would forget to bring the papers and then I would have to stick them in the dining room until the next session. WOE IS ME!!
I, too, wonder how I became a person with no control over clutter. Why do I need to keep these things and why do I have so much trouble getting rid of them? They really are worthless, except for checks and bits of cash which might be hiding there.
Good Luck. The length and number of different responders makes me feel more human and not like some monster.
Mary
poster:mary
thread:19971
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000128/msgs/20333.html