Posted by Scott L. Schofield on January 16, 2000, at 12:09:58
In reply to KELLY: Hang in there: We're here, posted by dove on January 15, 2000, at 18:54:11
Dear Kelly,
Dove is right.I left her post below so that you and I can read it again.
For me, Dove captured the very essence of my depression. I could never have written anything so powerfully accurate.
One of my doctors once described the experience of deep depression as having a sort of timelessness about it. When one is so severely depressed, he feels as if his current depression had no beginning and will have no end. Perhaps a good place to start would be to ask yourself if things were always this bad. Can you remember a time when your depression - your life - did not seem so hideously painful and hopeless? You may not be able to remember how it felt, but you do know for sure that there was. This is the first time that I have noticed your name, and I have no idea who you are or what you have gone through in the past. However I know for *sure* that there have been better times for you. It is imperative that you recognize and believe this. If you do, then you will know, as surely as the rest of us do, that this period will pass. When I have been in a suicidal state, I really didn't want to admit to myself that it would pass. It would have spoiled my plans.
I would just like to convey one more thing. I still consider myself fortunate for not having acted on my impulses to escape from my painful existence. Of course, you would have to, in some way, say good-bye to the people around you, even if it is only within your heart. You must say good-by to those who you love and to those who love you. You grieve for the grief you know they will suffer because of your choice.
These things were not reason enough for me to remain alive. I came upon a crucial realization that compelled me to keep going.
Before reading on, please stop for just a moment and be still. Quiet. Take a few deep breaths and relax. As you wind down, begin to look for and feel your inner self. It is your essence.
Recognize your consciousness. Feel your consciousness. Your consciousness *is* you. You are your consciousness. You own it. Allow your memories of the past, both good and bad, to rise to the surface. They will come to you as you remain quiet. You are your past. You own this too. Regardless of what has happened along the way, you have always remained you.
Along with saying good-bye to your loved ones, you must also say good-bye to yourself.You are more fortunate than I have been in that you can rely on the compassion and support of the people here. I have had to survive alone.
- Scott
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> Kelly - How are you doing? Do not do anything about those hopeless feelings just yet, we need you to talk to us. We want you to unload all those bad feelings. All the dark tunnel-visions where no light exists and you run and run and get nowhere fast, those feelings are real and legitimate. I know you have such a struggle right now, I've read your posts and my heart screams for you. It is so incredibly hard to see the future when you're in that dark place, I know. And it's close to impossible to imagine life lifting that heavy burden from inside your being. I cannot speak to you with my voice, I cannot hold you with my arms, but we are here and we care deeply about how you're feeling, how you're living right now.> You are not alone, we are here and we understand what a struggle it is to hold on. But you must, you need to reach out for that safety net, it rests on you. It is an additional responsibility, a burden, but it can't be avoided. You need to make that decision to reach out for the hands stretching towards you. You are precious, you are remarkably made, you are a soul, a spirit, a beautiful creation, whether anyone respects that or not. We have all felt the hopelessness, the failures, you are not alone, I promise you. And those feelings run down so deep, don't they? They are so real, you can feel them. Let those deep feelings go, let them escape, let them fall in an avalanche around you, so that you can help yourself.
> Please take care, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Please let us know if you need more support, we really are listening.
> dove
poster:Scott L. Schofield
thread:18998
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000112/msgs/19044.html