Posted by Racer on December 10, 2004, at 17:36:30
In reply to Re: HORRIBLE/OVERWHELMED/WAAAHHHH!!! » Racer, posted by Phil on December 9, 2004, at 18:11:34
Yesterday I managed to get that thing sent off to the attorney. It's still got me wound tighter than a watch spring, but it's DONE.
Now to wait for her to write the final version, and then I approve it. Next week. I'll be stewing a bit until then, of course.
I did call SparklingBright yesterday, and we talked about some of this. Mostly, why it's so upsetting to me. Largely, it's because it's hitting one of my deepest fears: that no one will believe me. I wonder where that comes from? Maybe it has something to do with my mother telling me that her boyfriend was only playing? Hm...
Another thing that I recognized yesterday, is that I was having very strong suicidal ideation. Not to the point of planning anything, only that lead in of not wanting to live or not feeling I deserved to live. Guess what? I wasn't particularly depressed.
I was OVERWHELMINGLY ANXIOUS. That's a new discovery for me, I didn't realize how big a role anxiety played in my suicidal periods, but I certainly caught on this week. I'm planning something, but this time I'm planning something positive: I'm pretty sure I'll be calling Dr CattleProd to see him sooner than my next appointment. I'll also be talking about it at greater length with SparklingBright. I did tell her about those thoughts, by the way. Not hiding it, being honest, all that good stuff. Hell, let's say it straight out: trusting her. ;-)
Next step is to file a complaint with the licensing board, which is different from the process already in place. What's happening now is complaining about the agency as a whole. The licensing board is just The Therapist From The Black Lagoon. And maybe against Dr EyeCandy, too, although I'm still debating that. His notes continue to call me "well nourished", even after I'd lost fifty pounds, for one thing, and he prescribed Remeron to someone who was terrified of gaining weight from drugs. He also did other things, which are more related to the agency as a whole, though. I'll decide...
So, there's an update.
On a very good note, I get to meet Partly Cloudy on Monday! Yippee!
poster:Racer
thread:426807
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040626/msgs/427390.html