Posted by Racer on October 28, 2004, at 16:08:51
{{sigh}}
I know it's not really a beard, but today has been a rough day, and when I got home from the rough appointment with Dr CattleProd, I made the mistake of looking in the mirror and noticed a lot of longish hair all over my face. I know it's lanugo, because of my weight, but seeing it was still not pleasant.
It actually fit with what made the doctor's appointment so rough. Increasing the Cymbalta has been counterproductive, overall, just increasing the problems, without increasing the anti-depressant effect. In fact, I can't say that I'm aware of *any* antidepressant effects from it, but maybe it is helping somewhat. Anyway, I'll be dropping back to 60mg, and augmenting it. That's where it gets rough: he said, "Usually my first choice would be to augment it with Wellbutrin, but because of your restrictive eating, I'm hesitant to do that -- in fact, I won't do that." I'd been hoping that he'd add Wellbutrin, or switch to it entirely, so I said so. And I told him why I was hoping that's what he'd do. The end result is that I'm adding Wellbutrin, because he said that restricting wasn't as dangerous as purging, but we had to have a bit of discussion about the whole thing. I had to swear, Scout's Honor, that I didn't do anything like purging -- which I don't and never have -- and promise to try harder to eat more.
So, I stopped at the market on the way home. I bought some Italian Sausage, to make pasta tomorrow night, in hopes that it will tempt me to eat more than usual. That's very, very upsetting to me, though. I just keep feeling as if I have to keep starving myself until something changes. Maybe I'll be able to do it, though, tomorrow.
For tonight, I'm going to make crab cakes. I've never made them before, so it's an experiment. And I'll be trying out a recipe for Cucumber Dressing to put on them. (Well, OK, 'to put on it' since I'll be making two for my husband and one for me.) I do love to cook, and right now I'm so obsessed with food that almost all I can think about it cooking foods that sound good to me.
Yesterday I saw a gynecologist for the first time in about 15 years. (I've had the "Girl Check" from Planned Parenthood and other PCP types in the interim, just no specialist.) We talked about my infertility, which we're going to investigate. My husband says we can start trying, which is another incentive to try to put on weight.
I don't know. I'm still not feeling communicative, not responding to emails, not answering the telephone, etc. I'm hoping that the lowered dose of Cymbalta will help some with that, and that the Wellbutrin will be a keeper. Just thought I'd check in with you all.
poster:Racer
thread:408472
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040626/msgs/408472.html