Posted by Racer on September 11, 2004, at 13:37:30
In reply to Re: Musing about dx again, any thoughts? » Racer, posted by Noa on September 11, 2004, at 12:52:28
I've been having vivid anxiety dreams recently (since titrating up on the Cymbalta) *about* that agency... Closest I can really come to PTSD, really, in terms of the flashbacks, nightmares, etc -- nightmares about my nightmare of treatment there. I'm not sure it fits the definition of "irony", but it's close enough for government work, wouldn't you say?
I'm still musing and wondering about the whole thing. One problem is that, even though I *want* to bring it up with my therapist, I just haven't been able to make myself do so. I walk in there, determined to mention it, at least, and then -- can't. I have said a few things that I think have probably put it on her radar -- in talking about the cops, I pointed out that I weighed 105# (then) and really couldn't have done much damage, even if I had tried (she's several inches shorter than I, and quite slim -- and I'm pretty sure weighs more than that); and one day I somehow got onto a fairly obsessive jag about food and how much I wanted beignets and fank and palascintas -- but it hasn't ever been mentioned directly.
Here's the problem: I'm too conflicted about saying anything about it directly, both because every time it's been dismissed, it's felt as if I was being sentenced to continue on this way, and because I still have that urge to see the lower numbers on the scale. I guess I *want* help with it, but I want the help to be *offered* because I don't feel I can get it if I *ask* for it.
OK, someone please explain that to me? I just don't understand. (Except, of course, that I do... {shrug} Guess I'm Froot Loops, huh?)
Nice to see you, Noa. How've you been?
poster:Racer
thread:387717
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040626/msgs/389689.html