Posted by Racer on July 11, 2004, at 17:59:45
Today it hit me full blast. I can't even tell you why, although I suspect that the immediate trigger was my current writing assignment from my therapist: writing about what's gone on with this agency and anything I can see towards a solution. I know that that whole subject is absolutely overwhelming, and too frightening to think about directly. Trying to put any of it into words brings it all up, right in front of me, and is just devastating.
So, today I've spent most of the day lying on the sofa, just ----- gone.
I think the frantic efforts at cleaning, exercising, that database, etc, were all efforts to distract myself, to allow myself to stay one step ahead of this train wreck. Well, today I couldn't sustain any of it anymore, and I just crashed.
And I'm feeling stupid as all get out, too, because another factor was taking some Xanax to sleep last night. The result, which I think I should have been able to predict, is that I slept late, then slept on the sofa for a while once I got up, before finally making breakfast more than 2 hours later than usual.
Once again, I'm hating my life.
But I'll be starting "The Eyre Affair" in the next couple of days, which will at least give me something to look forward to.
Sorry to bring all this down so much.
poster:Racer
thread:365108
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040626/msgs/365108.html