Posted by Racer on June 22, 2004, at 16:19:38
Yesterday, and this morning, I was -- in case you couldn't figure it out from anything I posted anywhere -- devastated and hysterical and just Not In Good Shape.
So, why am I calmer now? I finally figured out what the feeling was. Now, in the whole scheme of things, that really doesn't do all that much for me, but I'm more than satisfied by simply being calmer about it all. (Or, of course, it could just be my typically weird reaction to Provigil -- trust me to be calmed by a stimulant, right?) Anyway, knowing what the feeling is, where I've felt it before, and all that has really helped me.
Tomorrow I have session 2 with my new therapist, although I'm frightened to have something this huge come up before we have anything like a relationship, but I spoke with our marriage counselor (who's also clinical director of that facility and supervises the intern who's seeing me there) today, and she told me to tell the new T about the fears involved and use them to help build the relationship. Now, I know therapy has to be hard to be good, but.... But I am going to do it. I'm going to tell the new therapist how frightened I am to be starting off with this.
You know what else? Now that I know what this feels like, I'm also able to step back and give myself some of the same understanding I'd give anyone else who expressed the same sort of thing.
I know that we all worry about one another here, and wanted to tell you all about this. (Mind you, being me, this could all change radically with a single telephone call or even a stray thought, so don't hold me to any of it for more than the blink of a hummingbird's eye. 'K?)
poster:Racer
thread:359157
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040501/msgs/359157.html