Posted by Racer on May 28, 2004, at 12:25:14
Please forgive me, I feel as if I'm using this board as my own private wailing wall, but right now I'm thinking I need to become a comedian -- my timing is so accurate.
My uncle collapsed the other day, was airlifted to a major hospital for emergency surgical repair of an aortic aneurism, and my aunt (his sister) is staying with me unexpectedly. Now, there's a lot of history here, that adds to the psychic pressures, and my mother is out of town. Mother, of course, won't protect me, but providing a buffer for her, and emotional support to her, helps get me through these things while they're happening. (Of course, afterwards, I collapse, but that's a different story -- and happens without the added pressure of having an audience for my meltdowns.) You all know that I'm a little vulnerable right now (<< how's that for an understatement? lol) Can you imagine how I'm reacting right now? Remember, the aunt staying with me is the one who knows that the right answer is why haven't I gotten over it all by now, and why don't I get over this idea that I am depressed when I won't say what I'm depressed about?
Since the Provigil is just sort of providing a maintenance level of reduced agitation, without any noticeable energy increase, it should get me through the next couple of days if I can avoid any additional pressures. The problem is that there are additional pressures. And those specific "additional pressures" -- my aunt and other family members -- require that I hide my current condition as well as I can.
{{wail}} I want to go home now! The only problem is, I'm already there. I am ready to wake up now, except that this really is my life. Damn. I hate it when it happens this way.
Thanks for listening.
poster:Racer
thread:351530
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040501/msgs/351530.html