Posted by Racer on May 23, 2004, at 13:55:52
In reply to Alice James, posted by Phil on May 23, 2004, at 10:52:21
I don't know if y'all have noticed, but I've been getting a lot worse the last few months, and this subject has been on my mind a lot the last few days. I think I've figured something out about it, at least for me.
When I walk into the doctor's office -- at least Dr EyeCandy's office -- I turn into a binary system: I have only two options, comply with his treatment or not. Every time he makes a choice, I get a different set of the same two options, but it's only in reaction to his choices. He, on the other hand, has a pretty wide range of options, at a variety of levels: he can listen to my concerns, he can consider the impact on my life of some of the drugs he can choose, he can decide on any of a range of drugs to try. Those are his choices, though, I can't really influence the choice he makes -- I can only react to it once he's made it. That is an awful lot of power to allow another person to have over my life, isn't it?
Of course, if I trusted him, it would be easier. If I felt as if he had my interests in mind, if not at heart, then it might make it easier for me to accept my powerlessness in this situation. Instead, I walk out of there feeling as if there is no hope whatsoever for me, and no one to turn to for help. I also feel as if I'm in very great danger, because I am so vulnerable to someone who's given me no evidence I can trust to any degree. In fact, he's lately given me a fair amount of evidence that he isn't someone I can trust, but that's the whole bigger issue of the treatment I've received from this agency in general.
So, Ms James is right, I walk out of there feeling as though my intellect, and even my humanity, has been stripped away from me entirely, and go home wondering why I keep trying in the face of so much overwhelming evidence that -- while help is possible -- I have no access to any means of helping myself.
poster:Racer
thread:349864
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040501/msgs/349891.html