Posted by Racer on April 26, 2004, at 21:59:06
Well, today we did talk about what happened last week, and it did turn out to be very much what I really hoped it had been -- miscommunication. It did center on that game of Telephone they play, where they talk about the clients amongst themselves -- in a structured way, of course -- and things get a little twisted in the process. I didn't ask directly, but said that I was torn between asking what happened, and not really wanting to know. The therapist volunteered the information I didn't quite want to ask for. So, I took it a step farther, and asked what she had told Dr EyeCandy about what was going on for me. She gave the talk about how everyone cares about me, and wants to help me, and said that she had told him I was worried about medications and it sounded as if he was frustrated by my cancelling appointments. While that last part doesn't help me any, since his frustration frightens me, it also eases some of my fears in a weird way.
The thing that worries me most right now, though, is that she was talking about Effexor today, as in, "...but would you be willing to take Effexor again?" Well, Effexor wasn't particularly effective for me when I was on it, it helped but didn't exactly control my depression. It came with some weird sensations that maybe I could handle if it worked better, it caused a semi-substantial weight gain (45+ pounds), and I had a LOT of breakthrough depression. I stopped it when the breakthrough depression became more frequent than the control of depression. Once I stopped it, without changing diet or exercise patterns, a fair amount of the weight came off. So, I'm in a real quandary: it sounds as if Dr EyeCandy wants to start Effexor again. Now, when we first started this, he wanted to start Effexor. I tried to tell him why I didn't want to do that, that it hadn't been very effective, that the breakthrough depression was a real problem, that the side effects were not a lot of fun, and that it finally just stopped working -- and then left me with an eight month withdrawal period. I guess that either didn't get through or didn't seem relevant to him. Still seems like a pretty compelling set of reasons to avoid it to me, but I'm willing to listen to reason. So, what do my reasonable people testers say? Is it time to give up on getting real relief and go for the Effexor, or do I dig in my heels and insist we try to find something that will actually work?
There are two psychological problems in this, by the way: one, it feels as if the therapist is urging me to take this drug, at the behest of Dr EyeCandy; and two, it worries me that this has come up AGAIN. This is the third time this has come up through the therapist, rather than the doctor, and that bothers me rather a lot. Any comments on that part of it? Oh, yeah, and it makes it harder for me to think of going in there and having to fight about Effexor again. I know that it might provide some temporary relief, which maybe I need, but I don't have any long term hope for it, and since we're talking about finding something that I'll probably be taking for the rest of my life, I want some hope that it'll work for a while. That really doesn't seem to be too much to ask, does it? And having to go through the withdrawal again when it stops working, and then start all over with all the other drugs? Why not just try to find something better now?
Oh, and no one has bothered to call back with the test results. Damn them. Rat bastards, it would take how long, exactly, to set my mind at ease? Or, of course, to worry me to death, but let's be positive, right?
poster:Racer
thread:340382
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040213/msgs/340382.html