Posted by Racer on April 16, 2004, at 12:52:53
I'll have to give the whole story later, because I just don't have it in me right now to do it. The problem is that I really don't have any faith whatsoever in the county system, after experiencing it. At this point, I would rather die than go into the hospital and go through the same thing I went through last time. It's like they raise my hopes, telling me over and over again that they'll help me, and then when I start to believe them they cry, "Faked you out!" and all laugh. Why would I want to go through that again?
On the other hand, I don't know if I can handle anything at all anymore. I know I can't take another day like yesterday, but I don't see any helpful alternatives. Euthanesia is about the best option I can see, but I don't have the means -- SO NO POLICE, PLEASE -- and I can't even say if that's really what I want.
So, the hospital would provide a break from all this. It wouldn't be a restful break, because I'd worry about all the things my husband isn't doing -- like taking care of my sick cat and the cat boxes -- but it would remove me from an untenable situation. On the othr hand, I don't eat hospital food, and my husband, even if he would bring food for me, would do his typical thing: stop at a fast food restaurant and pick something up, then drive around doing errands for an hour or so with it sitting in the car, getting cold and congealing with grease so that it's inedible. So, I could get a food-free break from my life, with a side order of worries.
Which should I choose? The hell behind door number one, or the horrors of curtain two?
poster:Racer
thread:336919
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040213/msgs/336919.html