Posted by Racer on March 2, 2004, at 16:03:38
In reply to Re: Not quite that... » Racer, posted by judy1 on March 2, 2004, at 13:39:17
Thank you. Let me tell you about what happened with the last pdoc I saw under similar circumstances:
I've been uninsured for years now, so when my last major depression hit, I was actually lucky to get help from the county. I was also unlucky enough to get Dr A, short for you know what kind of a hole. She had sample packs of a medication on her desk, hardly even pretended to listen to my list of other A/Ds I'd taken with their side effects, and just handed me the samples. Later, she tried to prescribe more drugs to counteract the side effects of that drug, which is when I refused to continue taking it. At that point, she did prescribe another drug, but she told me that if it didn't work, if I didn't "cooperate", she'd diagnose me as having a borderline personality disorder, and then no one would ever take me seriously again.
Eventually, I got appropriate medication that helped me get through that depression, from another doctor. Within the county system, however, I had no means of changing doctors. I did request a change of doctors, through several levels of bureaucracy, and using all the gumption I could muster. It was hard work for me at the time, and to fail so utterly was devastating. (I mean, these people literally broke the law: when I reported to one public health official that I was actively suicidal, he responded that he'd checked with my doctor who said I wasn't.)
In my current situation, there are all sorts of reasons not to get into that quagmire, but I don't know how much I can trust my perceptions of what's going on. Not so much directly about this pdoc. I'm more and more certain that my gut instincts are pretty dead on. What I don't trust is whether or not trying to address that, whether by requesting a new pdoc or asking for a mediator or second opinion or whatever, would make the situation worse. I know I don't have the resources right now, emotionally, to go through something like that again.
And, Judy, I don't think I am aware of your boundary crossing. It may be that it came up during a time when I couldn't quite see past the end of my nose, and I'm very sorry about that. You've helped me, and I'm sorry to learn that I haven't really returned that support. I'm very grateful to you, and hope you know that.
poster:Racer
thread:319088
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040213/msgs/319420.html