Posted by Racer on July 11, 2003, at 4:27:54
Thank you all for all your support over the years. I've just taken some Xanax, to make it easier to make this happen. My husband is in bed upstairs, asleep.
Tonight I realized something about that affair. If he had lived, he would have ended it soon, and that would have been worse. He wouldn't have been able to give me what I need, any more than anyone else could. It would have been devastating, and probably led to the same place.
I read somewhere that depressed people are actually more likely to see the world realistically. We can judge our attractiveness, abilty, intelligence, etc more realistically than 'normal' people who tend to overestimate themselves. Well, if that's true, I am attractive, intelligent, and too damaged to get through this world. My aunt likes to point out to me all the things I "should" know, and much have missed. You know, "Gee, you really should think about getting breast reduction surgery..." "You won't ever be able to retire..." "You're really too old to have children, you know..." "I worry about you..." She's right, I guess. Too late now.
So, what would going on another day do for me?
Thank you all, though. You did help as much as anyone did.
poster:Racer
thread:240824
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20030702/msgs/240824.html